The yin and the yang
Today is Saturday and I am off work....Came ---- that close to having a date tonight off one of my dating sites. Man she was hot too, forty five, (robbin the craddle for me) petite, her profile pic she's layin on a bed with some kind of shimpy night gown showing most of her pear shaped mouth fulls, and the night gown ridin up exposing the most beautiful sculptured shanks goin.
Life would be so much easier if I'd learn to masturbate....I used to know how...When I was eight I fell in love for the first time and after several years of.....amazingly similar emotions that I feel today, at age eleven I discovered masturbation....It's fine, I mean until you've had the "real deal". After that.... it's not fine...It's a house of cards, a cheat, a let down... What can I say, now days when I get horny I want to fuck.....It's part of my "all or nothing" self centered core...So if anybody wants to know what it's like to be horny all the time just ask....I mean, like if some medical research outfit is looking for "horny all the time" subjects to do clinical studies on.... (free drugs included)....I am your huckleberry.
Honestly I don't mind it....At my age bein horny all the time keeps a man alive.....All that testosterone building up down there must at some point like leak into the blood cells and start to affect ones entire body and state of mind...I think it's some kind of natural fountain of youth deal...
I used to have "wet dreams" which are another form of cheat, but one where you can honestly say, ...."It wasn't me".... when you wake up...Those days are gone too...I don't dream at all anymore cuz by the time I go to sleep I'm too fucking exhausted to dream....Being horny all the time really takes it out of ya.....
Anyway, being a relatively reflexive personality, I try to use my condition as a positive vehicle in my every day life.....No I don't mean I fuck garbage cans,.....Jesus,....what kind of a guy do you take me for?.....What I mean is I've tried to take it to another level. Like how I address the general public when at work...It's a kind of spiritual explosion for me...It's like living in the moment and trying to make a point to "love" in that moment weather it's communicating with another person, or doing a routine job function...It's taking extra time to lovingly clean a saw blade instead of just getting it done because I have to...Or catching myself being...you know, if you've read my stuff,....myself...and adjusting my attitude to a more diversive acceptance of others...
The more I practice this sort of "Zen" approach to daily living the more I realize a definite division in my natural makeup as a person....I am a Doctor Jeckel, Mr. Hide....A candidate for saint hood, and the devils advocate all rolled up, put through a blender and spit out the ass end, landing on the kitchen floor cuz some fuck forgot to put a decent rubber washer on the business end of the contraption...
Why am I tellin you this?.....What the fuck do you care?....Why would you want to read this boring shit about me ranting on and on about ME?....What kind of purely self centered, self promoting, fuck, has the nerve to write this shit and post it for the world to see? And why are you still reading?......Don't you have a motorcycle to go ride or something?
....That right there.......That's the "dark side" of LooseCanon....
I wanted to post this in hopes others that read it would maybe take time to give pause,..just for a moment,..contemplate,... the "yin, yang", "positive, negative" mixing of energies that energizes every aspect of the universe and plays such a vital part of our lives....I for one have found it to be a tool, a reminder, that every waking moment of our lives we have a choice...
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Balboa Park
Balboa Park
I am the kinda guy who wakes up in the morning and feels invincible..Like there is nothing I can't do...I've been known to remodel an entire room in the house before anybody else wakes up...Yep, the energizer bunny...that's me.
Only problem is I'm not invincible. In fact the same guy that wakes up everyday with a constant hard on, is the same guy who last night just before he snuffed out his last cigarette of the day, lit the filter end by mistake.
My latest scheme was to take two disabled women in wheelchairs for an outing to Balboa Park. That's in San Diego. Next to the zoo. The women are living in a Skilled Nursing Facility (nursing home) in a suburb of Diego. I didn't just walk in and pick out two strangers either, which to my credit means I actually gave this idea some forethought instead of doing my usual "fools rush in" approach.
One of the women's name is Shirley and the other is Donna.....Shirley is sixty two years and Donna is maybe forty five. Donna is a slim five nine redhead with milk white skin and big blue eyes that.....adore me...
Shirley is five seven and about two hundred pounds...Both of these women are spiritually evolved souls,..even with all they must bear at this time of their lives they can still laugh, smile, and appreciate...What they have in common is that they are room mates in the facility,....and me.
Donna has lived in this "home" for five years....Shirley for six weeks.
Shirley is my estranged wife....Estranged from marriage, however still the best of friends. I have been blessed with her friendship for over twenty years, and am much the better for knowing her...
Donna on the other hand is a stranger I have taken in...The first day Shirley became a resident I visited and learned that in the entire five years Donna has lived at this facility she had never once been "outside". She didn't trust the staff or the other residences to risk being forgotten and had bad visions of expiring outside in the courtyard alone in the dark, just her and her wheel chair...
That changed the first day I visited...For some unknown reason Donna trusted me from the first moment...I told her I was taking Shirley outside so she could enjoy a cigarette and would Donna like to go outside also?....She immediately said "yes please" in her soft as a mouse voice...I swear to God, no less than fifty people at the home were rubber necking, and commenting that "Donna is going outside" as we wheeled our way to the outer door.
I visit every other day to the home and Donna always goes "outside".
Once a week usually Thursday's I bring the two ladies food from the outside world. This is a "big deal" cuz it's what ever they order....Donna is a Italian food lover, and Shirley usually orders Chinese.
I got them Direct TV for their room and each has their own receiver so's they can channel jockey with out annoying one another.
Enough stroking my own ego (somebody needs to slap me sometimes) and back to the Balboa Park outing, or should I I be honest here and call it what it was?...fiasco..comes to mind....
Shirley can walk...I mean she can get from her wheelchair into and out of a car pretty much independently....Not the case with Donna...She weights only about 120 lbs., so no big deal right?....This is what I mean about me, waking up feeling invincible.....I wore a back brace,...I am not completely out of touch with reality....Hurt my back several years ago while working as a landscaper and have learned the hard way how to protect myself. Still, fuck me,...I was okay pickin her up out of the chair, but leanin over to get her into the front seat of my Honda....The roof is too low man, and I really banged the shit out of my forehead cuz I was so worried about my fragile package...I saw stars and I think I like made a quick loop around the universe and back again before I grabbed the door to steady myself......really smooth LooseCanon....I still have a fuckin headache.
So I get in the car right?, my hands are shakin', my head hurts, and now I know just how Donna feels about goin "outside".
Anyway I blow it off cuz I am a man and I don't want to freak out two already freaked out girls...I mean, it wouldn't be cool,..and I am always about the cool...No brag, just fact.
We get to Balboa Park, and it's a nice day. Big white clouds mixed with blue skies, a soft breeze, not cold at all. I park next to the zoo entrance cuz, always thinkin ahead, I know the lanes into the park here are pretty level. Shirley has assured me she can scoot along using her feet as propellers so I just have to manage Donna's wheelchair and get Shirl out of the occasional bad spot.
We hit the Spanish Arts Center, one of my favorite haunts...Lots of artisans hanging out in quaint little shops with the coolest stuff made from anything from tree bark to exotic gold jewelry. The folks working these art galleries are always busy doin their thing, and come on to you real lay back and mellow.....I've done this kind of thing in a past period of my life and I can tell you...They are really sweatin it inside, hoping against hope your goin to buy somethin, any fuckin thing so they don't have to close up later feeling totally depressed. It a tough, scary, insecure, way to go...Man, I got so much respect for all of them...Damn..
Donna is in a lot more pain than I realized...The foot square tile pavers all over the Spanish Art Center are bumpy and she feels everyone. It must have shaken somethin loose cuz next thing I know, ....she's got to "pee".......Like I said Donna is a stranger, and Shirley,...God bless her, can be of no help on this one.....I think it safe to say Donna and I are no longer strangers after today.
We tooled around and made it over to the Organ Pavilion. I am sweatin by now as it turns out there are no actual level spots at Balboa Park. It just appears that way to the casual visitor, the untrained eye, or those that think their invincible...The girls are munching on tacos and sodas while I lay down on some really pretty green lawn. You don't really appreciate all grass has to offer until to can lay down on your back, resting your bones, looking at the faces in the clouds peering back at you with a big ass "I told you so" fucking grin on their faces. The girls ask me why I am not eating with them....Like I am disin' them or somethin...kinda pouty,.. like I just turn down sex with em or somethin'....
...I just tell em' I ain't hungry...Truth is I am afraid I'll puke cuz I am tired, and hot, and horny, but not for them...and I just want to get done with this whole thing and go home....
It's cruel to the undisabled when the disabled try to "show" how much they can do for them selves...Yea, I know, it's a self esteem thing and all,... but in this case,.. "a woman's got to know her limitations". Shirley is always pullin this shit and it pisses me off cuz ninety percent of the time it just causes a hassle. I don't mean between us, we actually hardly ever fight, and in all the years together only have had one major blow out....I mean, it causes "complications"...On one hand it's healthy for her and I've got to grow up to it....On the other, it wears me out...
I am layin on the grass right?, catching my breath, resting my eyes, slowing down the heart rate, feeling the sweat on my brow dryin up, when I hear the soft mouse voice of Donna callin my name...She doesn't have a lot of emotion in that voice I must say...I casually answer "yea?", and after a couple of seconds I look up at her pointin her rail thin arm toward the horizon...Being a smart enough fella I look where she's referring to and see Shirley's run away wheel chair hauling ass down a thirteen percent grade...Napkins flyin off, taco wrapping flappin in the wind, paper plate layin next to the trash can she felt compelled to discard her used utilities into "all by her self"....I caught up to her, ...my left knee will never be the same,....but a nice "guy" saw the whole thing goin down before I ever got off the grass and saved the day....I am thankin the guy, Shirley is cryin and shit...thanking the guy...and I am noticing how my damn knee is givin me shit...like there's just bone on bone holdin it together when I put weight on it....Anyway the nice guy and his girlfriend go struttin off..(he's gettin some tonight, I can tell)......I get,..... to push Shirley (that's the two hundred pound Shirley) back up the hill...
......God hates me.
I am the kinda guy who wakes up in the morning and feels invincible..Like there is nothing I can't do...I've been known to remodel an entire room in the house before anybody else wakes up...Yep, the energizer bunny...that's me.
Only problem is I'm not invincible. In fact the same guy that wakes up everyday with a constant hard on, is the same guy who last night just before he snuffed out his last cigarette of the day, lit the filter end by mistake.
My latest scheme was to take two disabled women in wheelchairs for an outing to Balboa Park. That's in San Diego. Next to the zoo. The women are living in a Skilled Nursing Facility (nursing home) in a suburb of Diego. I didn't just walk in and pick out two strangers either, which to my credit means I actually gave this idea some forethought instead of doing my usual "fools rush in" approach.
One of the women's name is Shirley and the other is Donna.....Shirley is sixty two years and Donna is maybe forty five. Donna is a slim five nine redhead with milk white skin and big blue eyes that.....adore me...
Shirley is five seven and about two hundred pounds...Both of these women are spiritually evolved souls,..even with all they must bear at this time of their lives they can still laugh, smile, and appreciate...What they have in common is that they are room mates in the facility,....and me.
Donna has lived in this "home" for five years....Shirley for six weeks.
Shirley is my estranged wife....Estranged from marriage, however still the best of friends. I have been blessed with her friendship for over twenty years, and am much the better for knowing her...
Donna on the other hand is a stranger I have taken in...The first day Shirley became a resident I visited and learned that in the entire five years Donna has lived at this facility she had never once been "outside". She didn't trust the staff or the other residences to risk being forgotten and had bad visions of expiring outside in the courtyard alone in the dark, just her and her wheel chair...
That changed the first day I visited...For some unknown reason Donna trusted me from the first moment...I told her I was taking Shirley outside so she could enjoy a cigarette and would Donna like to go outside also?....She immediately said "yes please" in her soft as a mouse voice...I swear to God, no less than fifty people at the home were rubber necking, and commenting that "Donna is going outside" as we wheeled our way to the outer door.
I visit every other day to the home and Donna always goes "outside".
Once a week usually Thursday's I bring the two ladies food from the outside world. This is a "big deal" cuz it's what ever they order....Donna is a Italian food lover, and Shirley usually orders Chinese.
I got them Direct TV for their room and each has their own receiver so's they can channel jockey with out annoying one another.
Enough stroking my own ego (somebody needs to slap me sometimes) and back to the Balboa Park outing, or should I I be honest here and call it what it was?...fiasco..comes to mind....
Shirley can walk...I mean she can get from her wheelchair into and out of a car pretty much independently....Not the case with Donna...She weights only about 120 lbs., so no big deal right?....This is what I mean about me, waking up feeling invincible.....I wore a back brace,...I am not completely out of touch with reality....Hurt my back several years ago while working as a landscaper and have learned the hard way how to protect myself. Still, fuck me,...I was okay pickin her up out of the chair, but leanin over to get her into the front seat of my Honda....The roof is too low man, and I really banged the shit out of my forehead cuz I was so worried about my fragile package...I saw stars and I think I like made a quick loop around the universe and back again before I grabbed the door to steady myself......really smooth LooseCanon....I still have a fuckin headache.
So I get in the car right?, my hands are shakin', my head hurts, and now I know just how Donna feels about goin "outside".
Anyway I blow it off cuz I am a man and I don't want to freak out two already freaked out girls...I mean, it wouldn't be cool,..and I am always about the cool...No brag, just fact.
We get to Balboa Park, and it's a nice day. Big white clouds mixed with blue skies, a soft breeze, not cold at all. I park next to the zoo entrance cuz, always thinkin ahead, I know the lanes into the park here are pretty level. Shirley has assured me she can scoot along using her feet as propellers so I just have to manage Donna's wheelchair and get Shirl out of the occasional bad spot.
We hit the Spanish Arts Center, one of my favorite haunts...Lots of artisans hanging out in quaint little shops with the coolest stuff made from anything from tree bark to exotic gold jewelry. The folks working these art galleries are always busy doin their thing, and come on to you real lay back and mellow.....I've done this kind of thing in a past period of my life and I can tell you...They are really sweatin it inside, hoping against hope your goin to buy somethin, any fuckin thing so they don't have to close up later feeling totally depressed. It a tough, scary, insecure, way to go...Man, I got so much respect for all of them...Damn..
Donna is in a lot more pain than I realized...The foot square tile pavers all over the Spanish Art Center are bumpy and she feels everyone. It must have shaken somethin loose cuz next thing I know, ....she's got to "pee".......Like I said Donna is a stranger, and Shirley,...God bless her, can be of no help on this one.....I think it safe to say Donna and I are no longer strangers after today.
We tooled around and made it over to the Organ Pavilion. I am sweatin by now as it turns out there are no actual level spots at Balboa Park. It just appears that way to the casual visitor, the untrained eye, or those that think their invincible...The girls are munching on tacos and sodas while I lay down on some really pretty green lawn. You don't really appreciate all grass has to offer until to can lay down on your back, resting your bones, looking at the faces in the clouds peering back at you with a big ass "I told you so" fucking grin on their faces. The girls ask me why I am not eating with them....Like I am disin' them or somethin...kinda pouty,.. like I just turn down sex with em or somethin'....
...I just tell em' I ain't hungry...Truth is I am afraid I'll puke cuz I am tired, and hot, and horny, but not for them...and I just want to get done with this whole thing and go home....
It's cruel to the undisabled when the disabled try to "show" how much they can do for them selves...Yea, I know, it's a self esteem thing and all,... but in this case,.. "a woman's got to know her limitations". Shirley is always pullin this shit and it pisses me off cuz ninety percent of the time it just causes a hassle. I don't mean between us, we actually hardly ever fight, and in all the years together only have had one major blow out....I mean, it causes "complications"...On one hand it's healthy for her and I've got to grow up to it....On the other, it wears me out...
I am layin on the grass right?, catching my breath, resting my eyes, slowing down the heart rate, feeling the sweat on my brow dryin up, when I hear the soft mouse voice of Donna callin my name...She doesn't have a lot of emotion in that voice I must say...I casually answer "yea?", and after a couple of seconds I look up at her pointin her rail thin arm toward the horizon...Being a smart enough fella I look where she's referring to and see Shirley's run away wheel chair hauling ass down a thirteen percent grade...Napkins flyin off, taco wrapping flappin in the wind, paper plate layin next to the trash can she felt compelled to discard her used utilities into "all by her self"....I caught up to her, ...my left knee will never be the same,....but a nice "guy" saw the whole thing goin down before I ever got off the grass and saved the day....I am thankin the guy, Shirley is cryin and shit...thanking the guy...and I am noticing how my damn knee is givin me shit...like there's just bone on bone holdin it together when I put weight on it....Anyway the nice guy and his girlfriend go struttin off..(he's gettin some tonight, I can tell)......I get,..... to push Shirley (that's the two hundred pound Shirley) back up the hill...
......God hates me.
Dark Ages
Still in the dark ages?
Boy are we proud of ourselves! Only a few hundred years ago the dawn of the age of reason really pushed the envelope. Science developed the concept of objective experimentation and the world began to shed pre-conceived truths concerning the natural world. Previously dominating religious institutions were shaken to their foundations. Fortunately they were smart. It was time to retreat the bishop closer to home and play the queen in a brilliantly "inspired" move that would prove to save them....Faith.....
Whatever...
Don't get me wrong, I really dig some of what J.C. had to say. Especially the "treat others as you'd like to be treated" standard. It's beautiful how he put it all right there in a nut shell...Excellent dude!
However I digress....Back to science and the enlightenment of the world,....or so I thought....
Why has science determined that all life on this planet is based on cells?
That's true isn't it? If it doesn't have cells, it's not alive?
Somebody slap me if I am wrong here!
Does the air we breath have living cells? Does clean water we drink have living cells? What about the Earth, the soil that has broken down to the minerals absorbed by plant life? Sunlight? Science has determined that all of the above are elements essential to support life. My question is,...why can't these "elements" so much a vital part of our lives, be a form of life themselves?
Alien to our concept of cell based life yes, however these elements are found on a continued constant bases not only in our Solar System but through out the known universe.
It seems to me life forms based on cells is the oddity. We keep seeking life outside our planet, but are we seeking truth?.. or just looking for life via a narrow minded scope known as" life as we know it"?
I have been lately toying with the concept of rocks being an actual life form only alien to our concept of life. Earth her self, and heavenly bodies, gases, stars, ...are they just the platforms life generates it's self within, or are these life forms themselves? Even dare I say, conscious life forms?
My question is why not? The boundaries of research and experimentation seem content with the known cell based life forms that use the energy contained in light, heat, minerals, elements, to sustain cell based life.
I would like to challenge science to consider thinking outside the box. We may be looking halfway across the known universe when answers to our questions are here, staring us in the face.
Boy are we proud of ourselves! Only a few hundred years ago the dawn of the age of reason really pushed the envelope. Science developed the concept of objective experimentation and the world began to shed pre-conceived truths concerning the natural world. Previously dominating religious institutions were shaken to their foundations. Fortunately they were smart. It was time to retreat the bishop closer to home and play the queen in a brilliantly "inspired" move that would prove to save them....Faith.....
Whatever...
Don't get me wrong, I really dig some of what J.C. had to say. Especially the "treat others as you'd like to be treated" standard. It's beautiful how he put it all right there in a nut shell...Excellent dude!
However I digress....Back to science and the enlightenment of the world,....or so I thought....
Why has science determined that all life on this planet is based on cells?
That's true isn't it? If it doesn't have cells, it's not alive?
Somebody slap me if I am wrong here!
Does the air we breath have living cells? Does clean water we drink have living cells? What about the Earth, the soil that has broken down to the minerals absorbed by plant life? Sunlight? Science has determined that all of the above are elements essential to support life. My question is,...why can't these "elements" so much a vital part of our lives, be a form of life themselves?
Alien to our concept of cell based life yes, however these elements are found on a continued constant bases not only in our Solar System but through out the known universe.
It seems to me life forms based on cells is the oddity. We keep seeking life outside our planet, but are we seeking truth?.. or just looking for life via a narrow minded scope known as" life as we know it"?
I have been lately toying with the concept of rocks being an actual life form only alien to our concept of life. Earth her self, and heavenly bodies, gases, stars, ...are they just the platforms life generates it's self within, or are these life forms themselves? Even dare I say, conscious life forms?
My question is why not? The boundaries of research and experimentation seem content with the known cell based life forms that use the energy contained in light, heat, minerals, elements, to sustain cell based life.
I would like to challenge science to consider thinking outside the box. We may be looking halfway across the known universe when answers to our questions are here, staring us in the face.
Computer Fun and Games
Computer fun and games
This is how computers fuck with you, suck up your time, and completely exhaust your energy:
All I wanted to do was post a picture on my profile page of the Hubble Telescope picture of the "merging galaxies".
Actually I didn't even want to do that. This cool chick sent me some pics of some of this kind of stuff and I wanted to return one that I especially like.
I guess she read my "Saturn" blog and figures me for a "space cadet". Who,..me?...Why is it women always peg me so easy and I can't seem to figure them out?.....It doesn't seem...fair....Anyway, I tried you know, to message the "merging galaxies" thing to her, but....damn, I just don't got the knack. So I advised her I'd upload it to my profile pics for awhile so she could check it out.....lame, but what's a poor boy to do?
First, it's a windows bitmap. Try to upload it, "sorry dude no can do". What?....What the hell did they invent windows bitmap if you can't do shit with it?... Got to be a jepg file. Okay fine.... so how do I change it? Only way I know is to put it on a program that makes greeting cards and then export it back as a jepg file. This only takes about a half hour or so to figure out how to do.
I want to put some description about the picture so I add a text box, and enlarge the picture a "little bit". Fine, I save the thing and it's finally done.
I upload it to my site and take a look....The god damn picture looks all fuzzy and shit!....What the fuck?....I figure out how to delete the picture (five minutes) and start over. This time I figure I must of fucked up trying to enlarge "a little bit" so I am going to just leave it the hell alone. Another ten minutes and I upload the "new version"....I check the the picture and its clear as can be....only it's sooooo....fuckinggggg.....smalll....you got to borrow the Hubble Telescope to view the damn thing....Christ,.....I bet I could drive out to the "merging galaxies" and take a better picture with my twenty five buck digital camera and be back before I get this shit right....
Everything I do on a computer is like this.....If you want to get one thing done you got to jump through five hoops. If you...god forbid, want to do two things...pack your bags baby and don't forget to bring extra water cuz....damn, your gone for awhile.
Okay fine...you can laugh,...you can like,.. check my age and smile knowingly,...you can help me out and suggest I buy a "Mac".....Whatever...
This is how computers fuck with you, suck up your time, and completely exhaust your energy:
All I wanted to do was post a picture on my profile page of the Hubble Telescope picture of the "merging galaxies".
Actually I didn't even want to do that. This cool chick sent me some pics of some of this kind of stuff and I wanted to return one that I especially like.
I guess she read my "Saturn" blog and figures me for a "space cadet". Who,..me?...Why is it women always peg me so easy and I can't seem to figure them out?.....It doesn't seem...fair....Anyway, I tried you know, to message the "merging galaxies" thing to her, but....damn, I just don't got the knack. So I advised her I'd upload it to my profile pics for awhile so she could check it out.....lame, but what's a poor boy to do?
First, it's a windows bitmap. Try to upload it, "sorry dude no can do". What?....What the hell did they invent windows bitmap if you can't do shit with it?... Got to be a jepg file. Okay fine.... so how do I change it? Only way I know is to put it on a program that makes greeting cards and then export it back as a jepg file. This only takes about a half hour or so to figure out how to do.
I want to put some description about the picture so I add a text box, and enlarge the picture a "little bit". Fine, I save the thing and it's finally done.
I upload it to my site and take a look....The god damn picture looks all fuzzy and shit!....What the fuck?....I figure out how to delete the picture (five minutes) and start over. This time I figure I must of fucked up trying to enlarge "a little bit" so I am going to just leave it the hell alone. Another ten minutes and I upload the "new version"....I check the the picture and its clear as can be....only it's sooooo....fuckinggggg.....smalll....you got to borrow the Hubble Telescope to view the damn thing....Christ,.....I bet I could drive out to the "merging galaxies" and take a better picture with my twenty five buck digital camera and be back before I get this shit right....
Everything I do on a computer is like this.....If you want to get one thing done you got to jump through five hoops. If you...god forbid, want to do two things...pack your bags baby and don't forget to bring extra water cuz....damn, your gone for awhile.
Okay fine...you can laugh,...you can like,.. check my age and smile knowingly,...you can help me out and suggest I buy a "Mac".....Whatever...
Internet Dating
Internet Dating
For a guy like me the prospect of meeting "Miss Right", "Ms. Right", or "Mrs. Right" gets a little easier with the advent of internet dating sites.
Women don't generally get me tongue tied,..or,... cause white elephants to cross the street between lags in conversation,....or create pup tents in my pants, or generally make me bloody crazy....
...Unless they are beautiful....Beautiful women,...I think I must be allergic....I get all the symtoms, sensations, changes in bodily function experienced by a patient associated with a disease....They like affect my head too...It's as if all the different electrical synapses that normally cross over a multitude of nerve impulses suddenly get on one vicious course,...a quarter mile oval speedway with really steep banked turns....The woman in my mind starts out slow enough just cruzin around in my head, and I kind'ah simply notice that she's cruzin around, and around...All of a sudden,...usually when I am trying to concentrate on other stuff, I realize she's not just cruzin around anymore...She's like galloping now, riding me like a race horse, demanding all of my attention, all of my body, mind, and soul.....And usually, the beauty in my mind?....doesn't even know I exist...
It's a curse really...I love beautiful women..I love the smell of them (their real smell)...the way they walk...especially the kind that are feline in nature...The way they seem pre-occupied and don't notice how I notice every movement they make. Their voices, some are like grown up little girl voices, and they make me hard just thinking about how that voice would be expressing it's self in the heat of love making....Or the other kinds, sultry, sofisicated, cultured, or
hip...All those voices change into something else....something special... when they're with the man they love.
Jesus Christ!...What the hell was I talkin about?.........Oh yea, internet dating!.....
So what's cool about it...Well for someone like me it's a starting point. It's the difference between seeing a possible "M. Right" and later kickin my self in the ass for not having the balls to approach her, versus actually introducing myself via the buffer of E-Mail!!!!...Got to love it!...So what if I've developed Corporal Tunnel Sndrome typing "customized" introductions to all my prospects?..
..So what after a month of this I've actually only had one date?....So what she turns out to have morals?...
..It's still a start!
You get to tell about yourself and what you want in a relationship..
That was the easy part....I can spell "pussy" without even having to look it up.....It's even easier for the girls...."cock" is only four letters.
What the fuck you laughin at?...This is serious shit here.....Come on now, pay attention...You can upload pictures of your self, your location, and tell all about why you are God's gift to the opposite sex.....The more "stuff" you put on your "profile" the more traffic you get.....In other words, the more you can dazzle em with bull shit the more you divert yourself and anyone viewing your profile of the truth......You know, the fact that your....."Abbynomal"....Too fat, too skinny, too old, bald, wounded, pissed, used up, homely, weird, introverted, extroverted, shallow, deep, trusting, unable to trust, unable to be trusted, demanding, possessive, needy, distant, independent, conservative, liberal, incompatible "sun sign"....ambitious, lazy, smoker, non smoker, drinker, non drinker, .....and then there's me.....too fucking...."easy".
Men on these sites are.....well I could be steppin in puppy nuggets here cuz I've actually never viewed a "guy" profile other then my own....But the feed back I get from women is that men on these sites are about promoting the "extra special" length and thickness of their joy stick. Let's me out.....Like Jim Carey says in "Liar, liar," mine is short, shriveled, and always hanging to the left........What's a poor boy to do?....However, at least the guys are honest enough to be upfront about what this whole "soul mate" search is really about.
Chicks are especially wicked and deceptive: Example: If her profile pictures make your tongue roll out of your mouth,..go buy a lottery ticket instead, cuz you've got a better chance nailin her after you collect all that cash...It's going to cost you half your winnings anyway after you follow her "carrot on a stick" routine and sign up for all that shit on her web site to finally find out....what?...I don't know man, I baled as soon as the credit card number entry page showed up.....
There are the other kinds of women out there however....There are some that are lonely and real...Afraid, like me, but with the same emptyiness, hornyness, lonelyness, and respect for themselves to have the courage to reach out...against all odds.....To you, brave souls, be you male or female, I salute your quest for happiness....
"Never give up, never surrender" (Galaxy Quest?)...Shane (my Grandson) says it's Galaxy Quest and I...."trust" him......
For a guy like me the prospect of meeting "Miss Right", "Ms. Right", or "Mrs. Right" gets a little easier with the advent of internet dating sites.
Women don't generally get me tongue tied,..or,... cause white elephants to cross the street between lags in conversation,....or create pup tents in my pants, or generally make me bloody crazy....
...Unless they are beautiful....Beautiful women,...I think I must be allergic....I get all the symtoms, sensations, changes in bodily function experienced by a patient associated with a disease....They like affect my head too...It's as if all the different electrical synapses that normally cross over a multitude of nerve impulses suddenly get on one vicious course,...a quarter mile oval speedway with really steep banked turns....The woman in my mind starts out slow enough just cruzin around in my head, and I kind'ah simply notice that she's cruzin around, and around...All of a sudden,...usually when I am trying to concentrate on other stuff, I realize she's not just cruzin around anymore...She's like galloping now, riding me like a race horse, demanding all of my attention, all of my body, mind, and soul.....And usually, the beauty in my mind?....doesn't even know I exist...
It's a curse really...I love beautiful women..I love the smell of them (their real smell)...the way they walk...especially the kind that are feline in nature...The way they seem pre-occupied and don't notice how I notice every movement they make. Their voices, some are like grown up little girl voices, and they make me hard just thinking about how that voice would be expressing it's self in the heat of love making....Or the other kinds, sultry, sofisicated, cultured, or
hip...All those voices change into something else....something special... when they're with the man they love.
Jesus Christ!...What the hell was I talkin about?.........Oh yea, internet dating!.....
So what's cool about it...Well for someone like me it's a starting point. It's the difference between seeing a possible "M. Right" and later kickin my self in the ass for not having the balls to approach her, versus actually introducing myself via the buffer of E-Mail!!!!...Got to love it!...So what if I've developed Corporal Tunnel Sndrome typing "customized" introductions to all my prospects?..
..So what after a month of this I've actually only had one date?....So what she turns out to have morals?...
..It's still a start!
You get to tell about yourself and what you want in a relationship..
That was the easy part....I can spell "pussy" without even having to look it up.....It's even easier for the girls...."cock" is only four letters.
What the fuck you laughin at?...This is serious shit here.....Come on now, pay attention...You can upload pictures of your self, your location, and tell all about why you are God's gift to the opposite sex.....The more "stuff" you put on your "profile" the more traffic you get.....In other words, the more you can dazzle em with bull shit the more you divert yourself and anyone viewing your profile of the truth......You know, the fact that your....."Abbynomal"....Too fat, too skinny, too old, bald, wounded, pissed, used up, homely, weird, introverted, extroverted, shallow, deep, trusting, unable to trust, unable to be trusted, demanding, possessive, needy, distant, independent, conservative, liberal, incompatible "sun sign"....ambitious, lazy, smoker, non smoker, drinker, non drinker, .....and then there's me.....too fucking...."easy".
Men on these sites are.....well I could be steppin in puppy nuggets here cuz I've actually never viewed a "guy" profile other then my own....But the feed back I get from women is that men on these sites are about promoting the "extra special" length and thickness of their joy stick. Let's me out.....Like Jim Carey says in "Liar, liar," mine is short, shriveled, and always hanging to the left........What's a poor boy to do?....However, at least the guys are honest enough to be upfront about what this whole "soul mate" search is really about.
Chicks are especially wicked and deceptive: Example: If her profile pictures make your tongue roll out of your mouth,..go buy a lottery ticket instead, cuz you've got a better chance nailin her after you collect all that cash...It's going to cost you half your winnings anyway after you follow her "carrot on a stick" routine and sign up for all that shit on her web site to finally find out....what?...I don't know man, I baled as soon as the credit card number entry page showed up.....
There are the other kinds of women out there however....There are some that are lonely and real...Afraid, like me, but with the same emptyiness, hornyness, lonelyness, and respect for themselves to have the courage to reach out...against all odds.....To you, brave souls, be you male or female, I salute your quest for happiness....
"Never give up, never surrender" (Galaxy Quest?)...Shane (my Grandson) says it's Galaxy Quest and I...."trust" him......
Saturn
Saturn
The planet Saturn is blowin everybody away right now. 20 years ago Voyager 1 and 2 saw a perfect hexagon shape 1,500 miles wide over the north pole of the planet. This is a bit strange cuz there is a constant grand a mile per hour hurricane blowin on Saturn every day. The South pole looks fine, or like it should, you know, a huge eye of the huricane circular in shape, like what you'd expect.
First NASA scientists figured the hexagon at the north was just a fluke, or like a mirage playing with our limited perceptions. The bets are off now with the new Cassini spacecraft shootin pictures of the north pole and the hexagon is still there.
"We haven't seen a (geometric) feature like this anywhere else on any other planet," said Cassini scientist Kevin Baines of the NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. "It's unbelievable."
I figure the Saturnites must be freakin out right now. They go and spend all this time and money to create the ultimate "keep out" sign by manufacturing and maintaining a hurricane like condition on the face of the planet so off worlders like us will take a peek and say "too windy" then move on. There's no doubt in my mind they know we're lookin. I mean come on, the center of the hexagon has no wind at all and its a straight shot down the funnel to the interior of the planet. Those guys are lookin up at our spacecraft shootin pictures, tryin to figure out if the piece of garbage floatin around their planet is going to fall right through the hexagon and hit them in the head.
Da shit'ah goin'ah hit da fan'ah if we don't at least ask if we can "poke" around in somebody's back yard.
Didn't one of those Voyager spacecraft like,...suddenly crash..or disappear? Maybe I am thinkin of one of the Mars probes....Probably got them pissed at us too.
You can check this out at Discovery.com and draw your own conclusions.
I think it's kind of strange that one of Saturn's moon's Enceladus is "opening up" blowin out huge plumes of ice and water into space.
www.saturndaily.com
Like if we had the capasity to stage our millitary defenses on our Moon instead of painting big bull's eye targets on our underground silo's in Colorado, wouldn't we do it?
Man those Saturnites got to be some cold blooded folk...That big bitch is like..out there, man, far away from the warm rays of the Sun. I got it! Maybe we'll luck out on this deal....You know like in War of the Worlds, the aliens couldn't handle the bacteria around here.....Maybe when the Saturnites invade us they will like....just melt.
The planet Saturn is blowin everybody away right now. 20 years ago Voyager 1 and 2 saw a perfect hexagon shape 1,500 miles wide over the north pole of the planet. This is a bit strange cuz there is a constant grand a mile per hour hurricane blowin on Saturn every day. The South pole looks fine, or like it should, you know, a huge eye of the huricane circular in shape, like what you'd expect.
First NASA scientists figured the hexagon at the north was just a fluke, or like a mirage playing with our limited perceptions. The bets are off now with the new Cassini spacecraft shootin pictures of the north pole and the hexagon is still there.
"We haven't seen a (geometric) feature like this anywhere else on any other planet," said Cassini scientist Kevin Baines of the NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. "It's unbelievable."
I figure the Saturnites must be freakin out right now. They go and spend all this time and money to create the ultimate "keep out" sign by manufacturing and maintaining a hurricane like condition on the face of the planet so off worlders like us will take a peek and say "too windy" then move on. There's no doubt in my mind they know we're lookin. I mean come on, the center of the hexagon has no wind at all and its a straight shot down the funnel to the interior of the planet. Those guys are lookin up at our spacecraft shootin pictures, tryin to figure out if the piece of garbage floatin around their planet is going to fall right through the hexagon and hit them in the head.
Da shit'ah goin'ah hit da fan'ah if we don't at least ask if we can "poke" around in somebody's back yard.
Didn't one of those Voyager spacecraft like,...suddenly crash..or disappear? Maybe I am thinkin of one of the Mars probes....Probably got them pissed at us too.
You can check this out at Discovery.com and draw your own conclusions.
I think it's kind of strange that one of Saturn's moon's Enceladus is "opening up" blowin out huge plumes of ice and water into space.
www.saturndaily.com
Like if we had the capasity to stage our millitary defenses on our Moon instead of painting big bull's eye targets on our underground silo's in Colorado, wouldn't we do it?
Man those Saturnites got to be some cold blooded folk...That big bitch is like..out there, man, far away from the warm rays of the Sun. I got it! Maybe we'll luck out on this deal....You know like in War of the Worlds, the aliens couldn't handle the bacteria around here.....Maybe when the Saturnites invade us they will like....just melt.
The Demise Of Cell Phone Etiquette
The demise of cell phone etiquette:
What is this shit with the cell phones? Use to be it was impolite to be talking on a phone and talk to others at the same time. And what's this bull shit with the ear phones, walking around appearing to be talking to "yourself" like a escaped mental patient?
I was in a store the other day and this guy was having a heated argument with some body on the fucking phone in the middle of isle 9 for Christ sake.
Did you know the DMV says the safe use of a cell phone when driving a car is to pull over and stop when using the phone? I didn't. So, that's why when driving along from time to time I see a car pulled off the road with it's hood up! That must be it right? I mean, we all observe stop signs and red lights cuz it's the safe way to drive? We wait till the light turns green to go cuz it's the safe way to drive? We basically obey the speed limits cuz it's the safe way to drive right? So it must be people using their cell phone I see pulled over with their hoods up. Yea, I bet putting the hood of the car up acts like a cell phone signal bouncer! It like,.. makes the satellite signal bounce off the hood right into your cell phone for better reception. Yep that's got to be it, I am sure of it.
I feel so relieved. It's good to know that people are actually showing signs of emotional evolution. So I can finally begin to have a little "faith" in people. Yea, I am a real "Doubting Thomas" sometimes. And to think all this time I figured those cars on the side of the road were like, broken down or something. Yikes, I feel so...stupid... I really believed drivers were mainly obeying road signs and red lights because of the consequences they might incur if they didn't. You know, like getting it in the wallet for traffic citations, or worse, gettin hammered. Wow, talk about narrow minded! Have a little faith LooseCanon!
I work in a grocery store and see a lot of people everyday. Maybe this is just more "narrow minded" stereotyping however, it seems to me technology is leading people down a road to some kind of dependency that eventually boils down to stupidity. What ever happened to going to a grocery store with a list and actually shopping? You know, doing product and price comparisons, making independent decisions, obtaining self satisfaction and esteem from the experience? Now days everybody is yakin their jack to some "decision maker" on the other end of the line, and for what? So you don't have to take a hit if you buy the wrong stuff?
Men especially piss me off with this behavior...Come on guys, just how pussy whipped, potty trained, house broken, stuffed and mounted are we going to allow ourselves to get!
Why can't you have the balls to go to the store, buy the shit, take it home, say your welcome, and if you get a bunch of flack, end the bull shit with a bottom line....."If you don't like it, do it yourself next time".
But what really pushes me to the edge is the attitude both sexes are gravitating toward when bull shittin on the phone the same time your talking to me, the working Joe taking your order, providing customer service, trying to make a living, treading water, payin the bills including the god damn cell phone the kids are runnin up to high heaven every month!
One year ago the "norm" was like this: Stand around ten minutes at the counter "chatting" on the horn then hanging up and staring at me like you've been waiting on me the whole time.
Six months ago it's: Wave your finger at me cuz you want some service and after I stand there for two minutes, "Sorry, I've got to get some steak from the meat department, I'll call you back".
Today: Wave your fucking finger at me, continue jackin off on the phone at the same time your talking to me, totally confusing me, yourself, and the fuck your jackin off with, cuz we're all in a three way with you,...ass hole.. a pussy whipped, tekkie dumb fuck, who's never had to manage anything more than pullin your dick out and hitting the center of the toilet bowl. Which you "manage" about fifty percent of the time.
Okay, so I am not completely in the dark here. I mean, I am a reasonably intelligent guy. I realize we are all victims of our own evolution. Ever since we waltzed out of Africa macking on bone marrow a million and a half years ago it became pretty obvious our intellectual evolution was going to far out weigh our emotional evolution. Yea, it's a dog eat dog natural setting here on Earth. What I don't get is why Mankind yesterday and today with all our ability to adapt and change our environment, has so comfortably squatted down and continues to wallow and relish in the "dog eat dog" concept of social value.
After all, we are the lucky ones right? We have the intellect and the means to change the world.
Capitalism, Nationalism, Colonialism, Materialism, Religion, all hell bent on separation and alienation of not only Mankind but of all life kind on the planet.
WHAT?...Am I boring you?....Need to take that call?...Okay, fine....
What is this shit with the cell phones? Use to be it was impolite to be talking on a phone and talk to others at the same time. And what's this bull shit with the ear phones, walking around appearing to be talking to "yourself" like a escaped mental patient?
I was in a store the other day and this guy was having a heated argument with some body on the fucking phone in the middle of isle 9 for Christ sake.
Did you know the DMV says the safe use of a cell phone when driving a car is to pull over and stop when using the phone? I didn't. So, that's why when driving along from time to time I see a car pulled off the road with it's hood up! That must be it right? I mean, we all observe stop signs and red lights cuz it's the safe way to drive? We wait till the light turns green to go cuz it's the safe way to drive? We basically obey the speed limits cuz it's the safe way to drive right? So it must be people using their cell phone I see pulled over with their hoods up. Yea, I bet putting the hood of the car up acts like a cell phone signal bouncer! It like,.. makes the satellite signal bounce off the hood right into your cell phone for better reception. Yep that's got to be it, I am sure of it.
I feel so relieved. It's good to know that people are actually showing signs of emotional evolution. So I can finally begin to have a little "faith" in people. Yea, I am a real "Doubting Thomas" sometimes. And to think all this time I figured those cars on the side of the road were like, broken down or something. Yikes, I feel so...stupid... I really believed drivers were mainly obeying road signs and red lights because of the consequences they might incur if they didn't. You know, like getting it in the wallet for traffic citations, or worse, gettin hammered. Wow, talk about narrow minded! Have a little faith LooseCanon!
I work in a grocery store and see a lot of people everyday. Maybe this is just more "narrow minded" stereotyping however, it seems to me technology is leading people down a road to some kind of dependency that eventually boils down to stupidity. What ever happened to going to a grocery store with a list and actually shopping? You know, doing product and price comparisons, making independent decisions, obtaining self satisfaction and esteem from the experience? Now days everybody is yakin their jack to some "decision maker" on the other end of the line, and for what? So you don't have to take a hit if you buy the wrong stuff?
Men especially piss me off with this behavior...Come on guys, just how pussy whipped, potty trained, house broken, stuffed and mounted are we going to allow ourselves to get!
Why can't you have the balls to go to the store, buy the shit, take it home, say your welcome, and if you get a bunch of flack, end the bull shit with a bottom line....."If you don't like it, do it yourself next time".
But what really pushes me to the edge is the attitude both sexes are gravitating toward when bull shittin on the phone the same time your talking to me, the working Joe taking your order, providing customer service, trying to make a living, treading water, payin the bills including the god damn cell phone the kids are runnin up to high heaven every month!
One year ago the "norm" was like this: Stand around ten minutes at the counter "chatting" on the horn then hanging up and staring at me like you've been waiting on me the whole time.
Six months ago it's: Wave your finger at me cuz you want some service and after I stand there for two minutes, "Sorry, I've got to get some steak from the meat department, I'll call you back".
Today: Wave your fucking finger at me, continue jackin off on the phone at the same time your talking to me, totally confusing me, yourself, and the fuck your jackin off with, cuz we're all in a three way with you,...ass hole.. a pussy whipped, tekkie dumb fuck, who's never had to manage anything more than pullin your dick out and hitting the center of the toilet bowl. Which you "manage" about fifty percent of the time.
Okay, so I am not completely in the dark here. I mean, I am a reasonably intelligent guy. I realize we are all victims of our own evolution. Ever since we waltzed out of Africa macking on bone marrow a million and a half years ago it became pretty obvious our intellectual evolution was going to far out weigh our emotional evolution. Yea, it's a dog eat dog natural setting here on Earth. What I don't get is why Mankind yesterday and today with all our ability to adapt and change our environment, has so comfortably squatted down and continues to wallow and relish in the "dog eat dog" concept of social value.
After all, we are the lucky ones right? We have the intellect and the means to change the world.
Capitalism, Nationalism, Colonialism, Materialism, Religion, all hell bent on separation and alienation of not only Mankind but of all life kind on the planet.
WHAT?...Am I boring you?....Need to take that call?...Okay, fine....
I Got Birds...
I got birds
My front yard has a pine tree that is seventy-five feet tall if it's a foot. It's so friggin tall the branches don't even start growing out of the trunk for the first twenty feet up, so you wouldn't even guess it's there unless you notice the trunk, or just happen to "look up" for what ever reason. It's not serving me any purpose at all.
I mean,.. it's a pine tree. It doesn't make pine-apples, just pinecones, and their not even the kind a person with a whole lot of time on their hands could possibly make Xmas decorations with. It's a pinon pine and the cones resemble little "dog logs" laying around on the ground.
In fact, I think I have tripped over my self a few times around here thinking I am about to step in dog shit, and while quickly side stepping around it, trip and step on it anyway, wrenching by back then damning the thing cuz it fooled me into thinking it was a dog turd.
It's like I am more pissed about being fooled than having squishy dog crap pasted on the bottom of my boot....weird.....The tree doesn't even provide shade, except maybe for the Moon, cuz it's too damn tall.
We get the god-damn santa ana winds through here sometimes up to ninety miles per hour. For the first five years I lived here I couldn't go to sleep at night during those winds cuz I was terrified that tree was going to break in half and land on the roof of the house killing everybody inside. Worse than that the direction of the prevailing wind threatened the house next door to me even more than my place. I just knew I was going to wake up one day to cops pounding at my front door waiting to enlighten me my fucking tree just caved in the entire roof of the neighbors house killing their precious puppy.
But this tree is a survivor. It's withstood the test of time. Draught, blistering heat, fifteen degree winter nights, and year after year of the March and November monster winds. Matter of fact, this house was built in 1952, the year I was born. I figure the tree was planted about the same time, so it's as old as I am. It's lived here a hell of a lot longer than me too. So there lies the rub..... Yea I could climb up to the top of the thing with a chain saw strapped to me and take it down a little at a time until there is nothing left but a little stump to set a bird feeder on. Or because I am afraid of heights, I have even thought of tieing a big ass chain around it and pulling it down with my pickup. Right down on the road then cut the sucker up and provide California with enough heat to end the " energy crisis".
But then I think about it and.....what gives me the right?...The tree has done me no wrong. It's a testament to the will to survive actually. Besides, I'd probably just bend it over pulling it with the truck turning it into a humungous archery bow until the truck lost traction and it and I were slung shot off the ground flying clean over the house and landing square on top of the neighbors house behind me....Fuck, it's a no win situation.
Anyway, for some unknown reason animals come here. Every pet that has adopted me just came here. I open the front door and dogs are sitting there waiting for me to take them in. Cats, whole litters of cats fall out of the ceilings. Every freak in twenty miles that doesn't want the responsibility of taking care of there friggin pet drops it off here, cuz "those people will take it in". Now I got turkey buzzards living in the pine tree. At the very top of the pine tree. It started last year around this same time, March. I go outside to go to work and my car is covered in bird shit. I mean it looks like somebody spray painted my entire car in bird shit!
It gets a little annoying having to hang my head out the driver door window to make it to the local gas station just so I can use their squeegee to get the bird shit off the windshield! And of course there are the leers and snickers from every ass hole at the gas station when I pull up. Why is it in a town of four hundred people, three hundred and ninety of em have to show up at the gas station just as I am pulling in with my car covered in bird shit?
Last year after about a month of this....shit, I just kept a garden hose in the front with a high power nozzle on the end, and every lovely day I would just stand there hosing down the car while the turkey buzzards watched. I know they finally left sometime in mid May. The weather finally heated up enough they didn't need the tree anymore to catch the first sunlight of the day to warm them up. I know this because one day in May I went out and turned on the hose to do my daily "thing" and it was hotter than hell outside. The bird shit was there of course and when the water hit the windshield that day I heard a cracking sound. I looked closer and there was this big long crack in my windshield that wasn't there a minute ago. I guess the heat of the day got the windshield hot and the cold water hitting it......Still got the crack in my windshield, it's slowly gotten bigger and bigger. One of these days I am going to use the squeegee at the gas station and my whole windshield will just cave right in and be sitting on my front seat with me standing there with the dripping squeegee in my hand....(snicker, snicker, leer, leer).
I don't know man, ...these...birds are, well...kind of majestic in their own way. If you get up early and drive around Lake Morena when the sun is still new in the sky you'll see these turkey buzzards sitting on top of telephone poles along side the road. They will be perched there facing the sun and have their wings stretched completely out warming themselves. Some of em have a six foot wing span, and they have a kind of Egyptian quality to them when their doing that. Like their worshiping the sun or something. It's actually pretty cool.
So now I got them back again this year...Shit, I went out a couple of days ago and the tarp covering my bike was all covered in,..you know. Pissed me right off cuz the damn santa ana was blowing, the car is got bird shit all over it, the side of the truck is spattered, and the front tire of my bike is all white. I just cleaned and polished the fucking bike the day before. The mother fuckin tarp is trying like hell to blow off the bike so the buzzards have a bigger target and I am trying to secure the tarp to the bike while dogging periodic bird shit bombs. I get the feeling the ass holes at the gas station aren't the only ones snickering.
My front yard has a pine tree that is seventy-five feet tall if it's a foot. It's so friggin tall the branches don't even start growing out of the trunk for the first twenty feet up, so you wouldn't even guess it's there unless you notice the trunk, or just happen to "look up" for what ever reason. It's not serving me any purpose at all.
I mean,.. it's a pine tree. It doesn't make pine-apples, just pinecones, and their not even the kind a person with a whole lot of time on their hands could possibly make Xmas decorations with. It's a pinon pine and the cones resemble little "dog logs" laying around on the ground.
In fact, I think I have tripped over my self a few times around here thinking I am about to step in dog shit, and while quickly side stepping around it, trip and step on it anyway, wrenching by back then damning the thing cuz it fooled me into thinking it was a dog turd.
It's like I am more pissed about being fooled than having squishy dog crap pasted on the bottom of my boot....weird.....The tree doesn't even provide shade, except maybe for the Moon, cuz it's too damn tall.
We get the god-damn santa ana winds through here sometimes up to ninety miles per hour. For the first five years I lived here I couldn't go to sleep at night during those winds cuz I was terrified that tree was going to break in half and land on the roof of the house killing everybody inside. Worse than that the direction of the prevailing wind threatened the house next door to me even more than my place. I just knew I was going to wake up one day to cops pounding at my front door waiting to enlighten me my fucking tree just caved in the entire roof of the neighbors house killing their precious puppy.
But this tree is a survivor. It's withstood the test of time. Draught, blistering heat, fifteen degree winter nights, and year after year of the March and November monster winds. Matter of fact, this house was built in 1952, the year I was born. I figure the tree was planted about the same time, so it's as old as I am. It's lived here a hell of a lot longer than me too. So there lies the rub..... Yea I could climb up to the top of the thing with a chain saw strapped to me and take it down a little at a time until there is nothing left but a little stump to set a bird feeder on. Or because I am afraid of heights, I have even thought of tieing a big ass chain around it and pulling it down with my pickup. Right down on the road then cut the sucker up and provide California with enough heat to end the " energy crisis".
But then I think about it and.....what gives me the right?...The tree has done me no wrong. It's a testament to the will to survive actually. Besides, I'd probably just bend it over pulling it with the truck turning it into a humungous archery bow until the truck lost traction and it and I were slung shot off the ground flying clean over the house and landing square on top of the neighbors house behind me....Fuck, it's a no win situation.
Anyway, for some unknown reason animals come here. Every pet that has adopted me just came here. I open the front door and dogs are sitting there waiting for me to take them in. Cats, whole litters of cats fall out of the ceilings. Every freak in twenty miles that doesn't want the responsibility of taking care of there friggin pet drops it off here, cuz "those people will take it in". Now I got turkey buzzards living in the pine tree. At the very top of the pine tree. It started last year around this same time, March. I go outside to go to work and my car is covered in bird shit. I mean it looks like somebody spray painted my entire car in bird shit!
It gets a little annoying having to hang my head out the driver door window to make it to the local gas station just so I can use their squeegee to get the bird shit off the windshield! And of course there are the leers and snickers from every ass hole at the gas station when I pull up. Why is it in a town of four hundred people, three hundred and ninety of em have to show up at the gas station just as I am pulling in with my car covered in bird shit?
Last year after about a month of this....shit, I just kept a garden hose in the front with a high power nozzle on the end, and every lovely day I would just stand there hosing down the car while the turkey buzzards watched. I know they finally left sometime in mid May. The weather finally heated up enough they didn't need the tree anymore to catch the first sunlight of the day to warm them up. I know this because one day in May I went out and turned on the hose to do my daily "thing" and it was hotter than hell outside. The bird shit was there of course and when the water hit the windshield that day I heard a cracking sound. I looked closer and there was this big long crack in my windshield that wasn't there a minute ago. I guess the heat of the day got the windshield hot and the cold water hitting it......Still got the crack in my windshield, it's slowly gotten bigger and bigger. One of these days I am going to use the squeegee at the gas station and my whole windshield will just cave right in and be sitting on my front seat with me standing there with the dripping squeegee in my hand....(snicker, snicker, leer, leer).
I don't know man, ...these...birds are, well...kind of majestic in their own way. If you get up early and drive around Lake Morena when the sun is still new in the sky you'll see these turkey buzzards sitting on top of telephone poles along side the road. They will be perched there facing the sun and have their wings stretched completely out warming themselves. Some of em have a six foot wing span, and they have a kind of Egyptian quality to them when their doing that. Like their worshiping the sun or something. It's actually pretty cool.
So now I got them back again this year...Shit, I went out a couple of days ago and the tarp covering my bike was all covered in,..you know. Pissed me right off cuz the damn santa ana was blowing, the car is got bird shit all over it, the side of the truck is spattered, and the front tire of my bike is all white. I just cleaned and polished the fucking bike the day before. The mother fuckin tarp is trying like hell to blow off the bike so the buzzards have a bigger target and I am trying to secure the tarp to the bike while dogging periodic bird shit bombs. I get the feeling the ass holes at the gas station aren't the only ones snickering.
Mustache Coloring
Mustache Coloring
So I am riding my motorcycle the other day and I look in a side mirror to check for traffic. I see my face in the mirror and am disappointed that my mustache appears so....grayish..."Damn I look old," I say. I remember being in a drug store one time and seeing a product for men that is a hair coloring for mustache and beards.
I go get a box of this stuff "light brown" to match my natural color. It seems that the obligations in my life, especially to the people I care for and love, not to mention the animals, keeps me in constant state of, short on time, too much to do...In the case of buying hair dye it's no exception. I ran into the drug store on my way to work and grabbed it. I took about 30 seconds reading the instructions while driving the rest of the way to work.
Speaking of work, I am a meat cutter in a market, used to be called a butcher in the day when markets bought half beef sides and cut the poor thing up into all kinds of product. Now days shops get cases of precut chunks of beef and the meat cutters make steak, roast,ectera.
My schedule the day of the mustache coloring incident was 1:30pm to 10pm, so by the time I get home I am tired, hungry, and really just want to go to sleep.
However, coupled with the desire to call it a day is the anxiety of looking at that gray mustache in the mirror the next morning, so I decide to do the color job quickly and have a surprise for my self when I wake up. I hurry mixing up the "stuff" and using a provided brush comb the goo into my mustache and even my eyebrows to get a balance sort of to speak. I go to bed and crash after watching about fifteen minutes of a movie.
Next day I wake up and remember to check my "new" look. I walk into the bathroom and take a look. Groucho Marks is staring back at me in the mirror! This is the darkest light brown in history! I grab the instructions and for the first time really read them, at least the English part, cuz as usual, it's got fifteen other languages included. I get as far as "leave the coloring on for a maximum of five minutes" and choke on my stupidity. Reading further, I find one is too use shampoo to wash out the color and give it a nice "natural" look. Shit. I start scrubbing the mustache and eyebrows with mega doses of shampoo for about five minutes at a time and washing it out then checking the result. After fifteen minutes of pure panic I begin to see (or possibly imagine) an improvement. Then I notice the liquid laundry detergent sitting near by and think, "hey, that stuff has bleach in it, right?, yea, baby!...I am pouring the stuff straight on the wash cloth now and scrubbing the hell out of the effected areas...I go to wash the stuff out with the hot water and get the shock of my life. Ever go to the beach and get a major sunburn then make the mistake of a hot shower after? A thousand pins and needles, right? My skin around my mouth got so irritated it started bleeding. I went to work that day and every body was double taking me, then saying it looks....nice.
Maybe the lesson learned here is to slow down, or perhaps it's meant to teach me to accept my self as I am, or maybe it's none of those and I am just analyzing too much...One thing it did do that is no denying, it gave a few people in my life something to laugh about, and that makes it all worth while.
So I am riding my motorcycle the other day and I look in a side mirror to check for traffic. I see my face in the mirror and am disappointed that my mustache appears so....grayish..."Damn I look old," I say. I remember being in a drug store one time and seeing a product for men that is a hair coloring for mustache and beards.
I go get a box of this stuff "light brown" to match my natural color. It seems that the obligations in my life, especially to the people I care for and love, not to mention the animals, keeps me in constant state of, short on time, too much to do...In the case of buying hair dye it's no exception. I ran into the drug store on my way to work and grabbed it. I took about 30 seconds reading the instructions while driving the rest of the way to work.
Speaking of work, I am a meat cutter in a market, used to be called a butcher in the day when markets bought half beef sides and cut the poor thing up into all kinds of product. Now days shops get cases of precut chunks of beef and the meat cutters make steak, roast,ectera.
My schedule the day of the mustache coloring incident was 1:30pm to 10pm, so by the time I get home I am tired, hungry, and really just want to go to sleep.
However, coupled with the desire to call it a day is the anxiety of looking at that gray mustache in the mirror the next morning, so I decide to do the color job quickly and have a surprise for my self when I wake up. I hurry mixing up the "stuff" and using a provided brush comb the goo into my mustache and even my eyebrows to get a balance sort of to speak. I go to bed and crash after watching about fifteen minutes of a movie.
Next day I wake up and remember to check my "new" look. I walk into the bathroom and take a look. Groucho Marks is staring back at me in the mirror! This is the darkest light brown in history! I grab the instructions and for the first time really read them, at least the English part, cuz as usual, it's got fifteen other languages included. I get as far as "leave the coloring on for a maximum of five minutes" and choke on my stupidity. Reading further, I find one is too use shampoo to wash out the color and give it a nice "natural" look. Shit. I start scrubbing the mustache and eyebrows with mega doses of shampoo for about five minutes at a time and washing it out then checking the result. After fifteen minutes of pure panic I begin to see (or possibly imagine) an improvement. Then I notice the liquid laundry detergent sitting near by and think, "hey, that stuff has bleach in it, right?, yea, baby!...I am pouring the stuff straight on the wash cloth now and scrubbing the hell out of the effected areas...I go to wash the stuff out with the hot water and get the shock of my life. Ever go to the beach and get a major sunburn then make the mistake of a hot shower after? A thousand pins and needles, right? My skin around my mouth got so irritated it started bleeding. I went to work that day and every body was double taking me, then saying it looks....nice.
Maybe the lesson learned here is to slow down, or perhaps it's meant to teach me to accept my self as I am, or maybe it's none of those and I am just analyzing too much...One thing it did do that is no denying, it gave a few people in my life something to laugh about, and that makes it all worth while.
Vacuum Cleaner Junkie
Yep, some guys feed their male ego with quads, dune buggies, dirt bikes, toy haulers, high performance trucks and motorhomes, and that's just for the desert season.
Summertime the "river rat" crowd takes the lead with jet skis, power boats, and God knows what all. Half the fun is tooling up the road showin off the toys. I bet these guys get a hard on every time they pass a rig "less than".
What can i say, i am just as guilty. My thing is vacuum cleaners. Yea,i admit it, i'm a vacuum cleaner junkie. Buy probably three or four used ones a year. Got to, cuz i am real tough on em. No mercy. Any given day one can see me blastin around the house drivin one of these big dogs, doin wheelies, dounuts, bashin in to walls, suckin it up baby, big time.
Take for instance this little slice of heaven i just picked up for fifteen bucks! A bad ass DIRT DEVIL with high performance 12 amp power plant, hepa filter, bagless technology, swivel casters, and canister accessories all standard! Not to mention the wide angle headlight. I think i'm gettin an erection! I took this sweetheart for a test drive this mornin after cleaning and polishing it's illustrious hunter green body, and wow what a rush! Made my entire day by 8:30 am!
Yep, I am a material boy livin in a material world.
Summertime the "river rat" crowd takes the lead with jet skis, power boats, and God knows what all. Half the fun is tooling up the road showin off the toys. I bet these guys get a hard on every time they pass a rig "less than".
What can i say, i am just as guilty. My thing is vacuum cleaners. Yea,i admit it, i'm a vacuum cleaner junkie. Buy probably three or four used ones a year. Got to, cuz i am real tough on em. No mercy. Any given day one can see me blastin around the house drivin one of these big dogs, doin wheelies, dounuts, bashin in to walls, suckin it up baby, big time.
Take for instance this little slice of heaven i just picked up for fifteen bucks! A bad ass DIRT DEVIL with high performance 12 amp power plant, hepa filter, bagless technology, swivel casters, and canister accessories all standard! Not to mention the wide angle headlight. I think i'm gettin an erection! I took this sweetheart for a test drive this mornin after cleaning and polishing it's illustrious hunter green body, and wow what a rush! Made my entire day by 8:30 am!
Yep, I am a material boy livin in a material world.
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