Internet Dating

Internet Dating

For a guy like me the prospect of meeting "Miss Right", "Ms. Right", or "Mrs. Right" gets a little easier with the advent of internet dating sites.
Women don't generally get me tongue tied,..or,... cause white elephants to cross the street between lags in conversation,....or create pup tents in my pants, or generally make me bloody crazy....
...Unless they are beautiful....Beautiful women,...I think I must be allergic....I get all the symtoms, sensations, changes in bodily function experienced by a patient associated with a disease....They like affect my head too...It's as if all the different electrical synapses that normally cross over a multitude of nerve impulses suddenly get on one vicious course,...a quarter mile oval speedway with really steep banked turns....The woman in my mind starts out slow enough just cruzin around in my head, and I kind'ah simply notice that she's cruzin around, and around...All of a sudden,...usually when I am trying to concentrate on other stuff, I realize she's not just cruzin around anymore...She's like galloping now, riding me like a race horse, demanding all of my attention, all of my body, mind, and soul.....And usually, the beauty in my mind?....doesn't even know I exist...
It's a curse really...I love beautiful women..I love the smell of them (their real smell)...the way they walk...especially the kind that are feline in nature...The way they seem pre-occupied and don't notice how I notice every movement they make. Their voices, some are like grown up little girl voices, and they make me hard just thinking about how that voice would be expressing it's self in the heat of love making....Or the other kinds, sultry, sofisicated, cultured, or
hip...All those voices change into something else....something special... when they're with the man they love.
Jesus Christ!...What the hell was I talkin about?.........Oh yea, internet dating!.....
So what's cool about it...Well for someone like me it's a starting point. It's the difference between seeing a possible "M. Right" and later kickin my self in the ass for not having the balls to approach her, versus actually introducing myself via the buffer of E-Mail!!!!...Got to love it!...So what if I've developed Corporal Tunnel Sndrome typing "customized" introductions to all my prospects?..
..So what after a month of this I've actually only had one date?....So what she turns out to have morals?...
..It's still a start!
You get to tell about yourself and what you want in a relationship..
That was the easy part....I can spell "pussy" without even having to look it up.....It's even easier for the girls...."cock" is only four letters.
What the fuck you laughin at?...This is serious shit here.....Come on now, pay attention...You can upload pictures of your self, your location, and tell all about why you are God's gift to the opposite sex.....The more "stuff" you put on your "profile" the more traffic you get.....In other words, the more you can dazzle em with bull shit the more you divert yourself and anyone viewing your profile of the truth......You know, the fact that your....."Abbynomal"....Too fat, too skinny, too old, bald, wounded, pissed, used up, homely, weird, introverted, extroverted, shallow, deep, trusting, unable to trust, unable to be trusted, demanding, possessive, needy, distant, independent, conservative, liberal, incompatible "sun sign"....ambitious, lazy, smoker, non smoker, drinker, non drinker, .....and then there's me.....too fucking...."easy".
Men on these sites are.....well I could be steppin in puppy nuggets here cuz I've actually never viewed a "guy" profile other then my own....But the feed back I get from women is that men on these sites are about promoting the "extra special" length and thickness of their joy stick. Let's me out.....Like Jim Carey says in "Liar, liar," mine is short, shriveled, and always hanging to the left........What's a poor boy to do?....However, at least the guys are honest enough to be upfront about what this whole "soul mate" search is really about.
Chicks are especially wicked and deceptive: Example: If her profile pictures make your tongue roll out of your mouth,..go buy a lottery ticket instead, cuz you've got a better chance nailin her after you collect all that cash...It's going to cost you half your winnings anyway after you follow her "carrot on a stick" routine and sign up for all that shit on her web site to finally find out....what?...I don't know man, I baled as soon as the credit card number entry page showed up.....
There are the other kinds of women out there however....There are some that are lonely and real...Afraid, like me, but with the same emptyiness, hornyness, lonelyness, and respect for themselves to have the courage to reach out...against all odds.....To you, brave souls, be you male or female, I salute your quest for happiness....
"Never give up, never surrender" (Galaxy Quest?)...Shane (my Grandson) says it's Galaxy Quest and I...."trust" him......