Nursing Homes appear to me to be a subculture all their own...Well maybe subculture is not a strong enough word...Nursing Homes appear to be existing in a parallel universe....
I decided many years ago that when my time on this planet was drawing near it's end, I would simply go to some remote area, dig my own grave and bury my self alive in it.
Oh yea, I'd rather have a Viking funeral where my bod is afloat on a cool looking boat and all my friends would take turns shooting ball of fire arrows lighting up the night sky and go out in a blaze of glory....But, I've only had one friend that would go to all that trouble for me, and he already died. The only "blaze of glory" I can honestly expect is cremation....Every ideal created in my mind always gets so "watered down" in reality...I think for my next lifetime I am gonna choose to remain incarnate....I think it's a better choice for me...
However, I am rambling...The first visit I made to the Somerset Nursing Home I walked in the door and an old woman (about 200 years old) held out her hand and requested I give her .50 cents for the soda machine...I happened to have two quarters and gave them to her, happily actually as her face lit up like a kid on Christmas making her look half her age....I thought, how cool,...such a small price to help make this poor souls day a little brighter....
....I have been going to the nursing home now for almost two months trying to stick to a regimented schedule for the benefit of Shirley's state of health...I make it there at least every other day, usually stopping by for a hour before going to work....The 200 year old lady never fails to get her .50 cents from me. I call it my "toll" fee to enter the place. Others have tried to jump on her gravy train, however I am not that "nice" a guy....
...The problem is the old lady doesn't have that great a memory....She gets my toll fee and heads off to the vending machine all "Shirley Temple", sucks down her can of pepsi, and forgets she drank it...If I am still around the place she appears again holding out her claw.....
....I politely explain to her I already gave her allowance for the day and that's when she turns into someone else...
"You cheap son of a bitch bastard mother fucker!"....Okay then...I could punch her teeth down her throat, but,...turns out she doesn't have any.
Theres a courtyard in the middle of this little slice of heaven where all the smokers hang....Shirley smokes cigarettes and so do I (please, I've heard what your going to say already) so I take her out to the courtyard and we hangout there....Donna doesn't smoke, so after I get Shirl outside I go back and bring Donna out but keep her away from the rest of us to protect the innocent. I feel kind a bad cuz Donna's always separated from the rest of us in our little circle hacking, choking, sucking, blowing, firing up, stamping out.....Now that I think about it, Donna is probably sitting over there feeling sorry for us....
Yea the stereotype little old lady in a wheelchair, all smiles, and full of good thoughts despite her disability is all true...As long as I am there doling out grits and using up my bic,.. lighting the little buggers for them like a good "pool boy" should. When I am not around and Shirley wants to have a cigarette she gets panhandled from the time she leaves her room till she gets back...They (the staff) got a rule...Don't give other patients your cigarettes unless you want to lose your own cigarette smoking privilege for three days....She get's called a "fucking bitch, whore, ass hole," cuz she just brings out one cig at a time....
Initially this kind of behavior was very upsetting to the point when I would arrive Shirley (If you don't know who Shirley is, read Balboa Park to get up to speed) would be in tears...
She is getting the hang of it now, learning to say no, and fuck off in the same complete sentence...
Then there's the few "bad apples" employed to care for the inmates. California Nursing Assistant (CNA) duties cover a broad spectrum and "compassion" in my opinion should be the major requirement when entering the field....A "compassion" evaluation standard testing procedure should be given periodically, kind of like a surprise piss test other industries can do when they have certain issues they know are prevalent...
Shirley has 25 years of expertise in the nursing field, and nobody can slip any shit passed her...We had our first quarterly meeting with the staff at the facility the middle of this week, and voiced our opinions....I believe some heads are going to roll.
This place isn't the last stop for those anti-socials that can't seem to get along. A fellow the other day tried to hang himself on a light fixture cord...That was his second day at the place....They took him away, somewhere...else...
Wilma gets around for herself pretty good...She's about 4 feet tall and doesn't need a wheelchair...She putts around fine with a walker. About 80 years young and strong too...She got a one day pass to visit with her family....They picked her up on Saturday and Saturday night the Somerset folks got a call from the family.....As soon as Wilma got "home" she grabbed a bottle of booze, a pack of smokes, and locked herself in her room....It's Monday as I write this and she's still in there...partying...
The landscape around the place is well maintained....It gets watered everyday by one of the inmates....His name is Bill....Bill loves to water, yesterday he watered one area to the point it turned into a wading pool...It took three aids to get the hose away from him...They took Bill away too...I wonder, who's going to do the watering now?....
