I work a lot of weekends and usually are scheduled days off during the middle of the week....Thursday's off is a lock....I have "family" obligations that require most of that day....So, I still get one other day pretty much for me...
I bought my Yamaha Virago 920 three months ago, a gift to my self I am still paying for but worth the additional sacrifice....Well, Shane doesn't agree since theres no food in the fridge, but what the hell, he weights 275 and can afford to starve for awhile.
I work in the afternoons and get done at 10pm....I was so stubborn about riding the bike when I first got it I rode to work a couple of times when the afternoon weather was mild...The ride home those first couple of trips gave me pause as to reflex on my own grasp of "common sense". Alpine (little town I work at) is about 40 minutes from my place....It's elevation is 2500 feet and my place is 3500 feet with the route home topping 4500 feet over the mountain passes....Leaving work the temperature in Alpine was about 30 degrees.....
...I was raised to appreciate nature and understand we are all a part of.....One of the reasons I like motorcycles is the stripping away of the buffer that exists in automotive modes of transportation...I am a rider that would never consider a fairing or windshield attached to my bike....For one, I think they suck as far as looks go, and two, what's the point?....Why not just drive a convertible and put the top down.
So, as I am riding out of Alpine I am feeling the cold,...I am like,...."man this is going to be a cold ride home"....As the elevation starts to climb I can feel every change in the degree of temperature...Even when I top a rise and slide back down into a little valley I can feel the difference....At 3000 ft. theres no difference anymore and my hands are vise gripped to the bars while the rest of me is doin cold shock spasms like theres a short somewhere and the voltage generated by the alternator is flowing through the handle bars and I am a perfect conduit...My right hand a positive pole sucking up the current and my left the negative side completing the circuit....
I pass the Border Patrol check point at 4500 ft....They have a big bon fire going all huddled around it and when I cruise by they're staring at me until I vanish around the bend...It's down hill from here dropping to the valley floor at 3000 ft. and the cold air has settled down here....naturally.....I swear to God I am "super glued" to the fucking bike and am having a hard time finding the flexibility to "lean" into turns...
...I make it though...obviously or I wouldn't be writing this.....Sitting in the driveway, it takes me a full minute to find the mobility to put the kick stand down...
....Like I am with women,...a glutton for punishment,...I do this again within less than a week....
This last weekend I had Saturday off work and was looking forward to riding...
The Santa Ana wind had finally settled down enough later in the day to make it possible.
I've been having some trouble with Tokyo Rose's battery so I bought a new one...The outfit I bought if from had to fill it with electrolyte and put an initial charge on it...So I picked it up from them "all ready to go"...
I installed it and for a couple of days it was all good...I went out to start the bike Saturday and the instruments wouldn't even light up....
Being a "Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance" kind of guy, I do my own work on all my vehicles, and so checking this situation out I notice the battery is only half full of electrolyte....It's not even covering the plates....This piss's me off, cuz,.....I could "rant" on right here about the decay of personal work ethic values prevalent in every industry in the country, ...but,...that's another blog for another time...
...The point is...if I am not diverse, creative, and problem solving orientated addressing this situation,...I am fucked..
I try filling the battery the rest of the way with water and hope theres enough "acid" mix to charge it....Nope...I can jump start it now with cables and a "extra" car battery and the bike runs, but what happens if I have to shut if off "out there" some place when I am riding?...."Make sure you stop on a good down grade" I think to myself, or maybe by this time I am saying it out loud "talking to myself"....Yea, that's it, I can always "bump" start it in third gear to get the motor started!.....However, there is this nagging fear and mistrust swirling around back there in the mind of LooseCanon. I keep remembering the model name of my bike....Virago.....I didn't know what It meant when I bought it, so I looked it up...."A noisy, scolding, domineering woman"...".A large strong aggressive woman"...."A shrew"....."A discontent, malicious woman"......In other words....A BITCH....
What the fuck they have to "tag" it like that for?..... Do I really want to trust a bike named "Virago" to start up for me with a dead battery by doing a free fall bump start?.....I thought about it...I really did think about it....
...Yea, about this time I am starting to feel sorry for myself....gettin kind a pissed.....Nature is not cooperating with the high wind condition,...fucking bike is fucking with me....and top it off,...ain't no woman fucking me either....
This is when a man has to make a decision...Stand up and fight back, or go inside and curl up in a fetal position for the rest of the night....Me,...I am too old to curl up....age takes it toll on the elastic ability of the muscles...
The back of the "bitch" has a luggage rack I strap a duffel bag on...I carry extra shades, clears, camera, gloves, a extra helmet, (women's size).... ya never know,....a bottle of whatever I'm drinking...So I dump everything out of it and decide, fuck it, no battery issue is going to defeat my goal of riding this thing today...I put the car battery inside the duffel bag and the jumper cables in there too...I use the car battery and the cables to jump start the bike to the bike's battery,...Theres enough "juice" in the battery to support the alternator and the bike doesn't know the difference.....Some times I guess you just have to use reverse psychology on women to get what you want....I don't know, it's hard for me though, I feel like I am not being honest...In the case of "Tokyo Rose" however, I don't have any remorse....I got out there Saturday around 5pm, the wind had died down as is typical of Santa Ana blows between 3pm and 9pm...It was all I'd hoped it would be...Felt great, and "Tokyo Rose" loved it too....I could tell you know, the way she seemed to kind a purr along, not stressed, or freaked out......Maybe "Tokyo Rose" is a lot like many women my age today....They've had to get tough to survive...I think maybe just the fact she realized there was a problem with her battery and I "her man" took the necessary steps to insure her safety, enable her to relax, let go of some of the masculine exterior she's had to build up layer after layer over the course of her life.... and just for a time,allow herself to feel feminine again...
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Puppet Masters
Nursing Homes appear to me to be a subculture all their own...Well maybe subculture is not a strong enough word...Nursing Homes appear to be existing in a parallel universe....
I decided many years ago that when my time on this planet was drawing near it's end, I would simply go to some remote area, dig my own grave and bury my self alive in it.
Oh yea, I'd rather have a Viking funeral where my bod is afloat on a cool looking boat and all my friends would take turns shooting ball of fire arrows lighting up the night sky and go out in a blaze of glory....But, I've only had one friend that would go to all that trouble for me, and he already died. The only "blaze of glory" I can honestly expect is cremation....Every ideal created in my mind always gets so "watered down" in reality...I think for my next lifetime I am gonna choose to remain incarnate....I think it's a better choice for me...
However, I am rambling...The first visit I made to the Somerset Nursing Home I walked in the door and an old woman (about 200 years old) held out her hand and requested I give her .50 cents for the soda machine...I happened to have two quarters and gave them to her, happily actually as her face lit up like a kid on Christmas making her look half her age....I thought, how cool,...such a small price to help make this poor souls day a little brighter....
....I have been going to the nursing home now for almost two months trying to stick to a regimented schedule for the benefit of Shirley's state of health...I make it there at least every other day, usually stopping by for a hour before going to work....The 200 year old lady never fails to get her .50 cents from me. I call it my "toll" fee to enter the place. Others have tried to jump on her gravy train, however I am not that "nice" a guy....
...The problem is the old lady doesn't have that great a memory....She gets my toll fee and heads off to the vending machine all "Shirley Temple", sucks down her can of pepsi, and forgets she drank it...If I am still around the place she appears again holding out her claw.....
....I politely explain to her I already gave her allowance for the day and that's when she turns into someone else...
"You cheap son of a bitch bastard mother fucker!"....Okay then...I could punch her teeth down her throat, but,...turns out she doesn't have any.
Theres a courtyard in the middle of this little slice of heaven where all the smokers hang....Shirley smokes cigarettes and so do I (please, I've heard what your going to say already) so I take her out to the courtyard and we hangout there....Donna doesn't smoke, so after I get Shirl outside I go back and bring Donna out but keep her away from the rest of us to protect the innocent. I feel kind a bad cuz Donna's always separated from the rest of us in our little circle hacking, choking, sucking, blowing, firing up, stamping out.....Now that I think about it, Donna is probably sitting over there feeling sorry for us....
Yea the stereotype little old lady in a wheelchair, all smiles, and full of good thoughts despite her disability is all true...As long as I am there doling out grits and using up my bic,.. lighting the little buggers for them like a good "pool boy" should. When I am not around and Shirley wants to have a cigarette she gets panhandled from the time she leaves her room till she gets back...They (the staff) got a rule...Don't give other patients your cigarettes unless you want to lose your own cigarette smoking privilege for three days....She get's called a "fucking bitch, whore, ass hole," cuz she just brings out one cig at a time....
Initially this kind of behavior was very upsetting to the point when I would arrive Shirley (If you don't know who Shirley is, read Balboa Park to get up to speed) would be in tears...
She is getting the hang of it now, learning to say no, and fuck off in the same complete sentence...
Then there's the few "bad apples" employed to care for the inmates. California Nursing Assistant (CNA) duties cover a broad spectrum and "compassion" in my opinion should be the major requirement when entering the field....A "compassion" evaluation standard testing procedure should be given periodically, kind of like a surprise piss test other industries can do when they have certain issues they know are prevalent...
Shirley has 25 years of expertise in the nursing field, and nobody can slip any shit passed her...We had our first quarterly meeting with the staff at the facility the middle of this week, and voiced our opinions....I believe some heads are going to roll.
This place isn't the last stop for those anti-socials that can't seem to get along. A fellow the other day tried to hang himself on a light fixture cord...That was his second day at the place....They took him away, somewhere...else...
Wilma gets around for herself pretty good...She's about 4 feet tall and doesn't need a wheelchair...She putts around fine with a walker. About 80 years young and strong too...She got a one day pass to visit with her family....They picked her up on Saturday and Saturday night the Somerset folks got a call from the family.....As soon as Wilma got "home" she grabbed a bottle of booze, a pack of smokes, and locked herself in her room....It's Monday as I write this and she's still in there...partying...
The landscape around the place is well maintained....It gets watered everyday by one of the inmates....His name is Bill....Bill loves to water, yesterday he watered one area to the point it turned into a wading pool...It took three aids to get the hose away from him...They took Bill away too...I wonder, who's going to do the watering now?....
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Ramona
After reading some of my blogs she asked me to do this..And so, by her request, and as it is my honor to do so...
She was sixteen, I was nineteen working on a Honda cb350 when she walked into my life...A neighborhood girl, right for my size, healthy, with all the right curves and still somewhat "Tomboyish". She was itchin for it, and if I wasn't so innocent back then I would have recognized that and maybe been her first....Anyway at the time I was in love with another girl from the neighborhood...That was probably a defining moment in my life, a moment when a soul elects a course of action that continues for a lifetime. My soul elected to be a "one woman" man...I've never played the field because there's always been someone I felt I would be cheating on...
...Mona and I remained "friends"...She always felt comfortable giving me details of her sex life,...which honestly made me uncomfortable.....She told me how she lost her virginity one fine day to her boyfriend Barney....They fell asleep on her bed and when she woke up he was fondling her breast...She said it like,....because he was feelin her up she had no choice in the matter. It was obvious to me, she had a choice in the matter..Couple of years later she is Mrs. Barney with two kids. I guess it was a couple of years after that she divorced Barney and moved back to Diego, and we started hanging out together.
Mona said one of the nicest things to me any woman ever has..."It's too bad we didn't have children together, because our bodies "fit" together so well...
We moved into a couple of places together and I became and instant "daddy". Other than the obvious sexual attraction we had for each other....(The woman wore me out every night)...We had and continue to have a special kind of friendship..A constant sort of easy laughter and lightness surrounds me when I am with her...I have always been able to just be "me" never having to "try" to impress or worry that what I said or do at any givin time would cause a rift or lessening of her love for me...That folks is a blessing...Thank you Mona.
Today we are friends...I test her though...I try to fuck her, she know's I am going to try to fuck her, and she's patient with me about it....I on one hand hope my flirting with her allows her to take some ego boost for herself, on the other, I may owe her an apology for treating her like a "sex object".......She's not going to get it.
The same reason Mona and I didn't stay together back then, are just as relevant today....Mona wants me to "give"...
I've thought about love a lot over the last year...I have come to a kind of formula about the different kinds of love we humans experience.
1. Friendship
2. Unconditional
3. Romantic
Friendship and Unconditional love are about "giving". Friends give friends a part of themselves. It's a give and take relationship.
Unconditional love is "giving" without the expectation of "taking". The most common example of unconditional love would be the love of a Mother for her child.
Romantic love however is not about "giving". Romantic love is all about "taking". It's a self centered love. It's about being hungry for someone, and them hungry for you. One doesn't "give" them self to their partner, one feeds them self on the partner. It's why romantic love is lusty, and the love making is "hot".
Romantic love is the kind of love I seek this time in my life....Friendship and the "giving" form of love is what Mona seeks ......I know what she will say when she reads this..."How wonderful of you to be so pretentious as to believe you know what I want.".....You see why I love her...
In fact after she reads this and she responds, I might do a "part two" just to give ya a detailed description.....of her feedback.......Remember Baby, you asked me to do this...Hee, hee....That'll teach ya to be careful what ya ask for....
For me to engage in romantic love with a woman who is seeking security, friendship, conditions, commitments, that all are part of friendship, would be disrespectful, and deceitful. Ramona is a fine woman, she deserves the "kind" of love from a partner she seeks......And I,...... deserve the same.
Anyway, for all you friendship "giving" kind of guys (no freaks please) out there that are looking for "the one" beautiful, sexy, funny, smart, make your pee pee fat, kind of chick, with lush auburn hair.....maybe I could set you two up.......We can discuss my "finders" fee at a later time, as the important thing is to get you two love birds together!!!
Sincerely,
Cupid's little buddy
She was sixteen, I was nineteen working on a Honda cb350 when she walked into my life...A neighborhood girl, right for my size, healthy, with all the right curves and still somewhat "Tomboyish". She was itchin for it, and if I wasn't so innocent back then I would have recognized that and maybe been her first....Anyway at the time I was in love with another girl from the neighborhood...That was probably a defining moment in my life, a moment when a soul elects a course of action that continues for a lifetime. My soul elected to be a "one woman" man...I've never played the field because there's always been someone I felt I would be cheating on...
...Mona and I remained "friends"...She always felt comfortable giving me details of her sex life,...which honestly made me uncomfortable.....She told me how she lost her virginity one fine day to her boyfriend Barney....They fell asleep on her bed and when she woke up he was fondling her breast...She said it like,....because he was feelin her up she had no choice in the matter. It was obvious to me, she had a choice in the matter..Couple of years later she is Mrs. Barney with two kids. I guess it was a couple of years after that she divorced Barney and moved back to Diego, and we started hanging out together.
Mona said one of the nicest things to me any woman ever has..."It's too bad we didn't have children together, because our bodies "fit" together so well...
We moved into a couple of places together and I became and instant "daddy". Other than the obvious sexual attraction we had for each other....(The woman wore me out every night)...We had and continue to have a special kind of friendship..A constant sort of easy laughter and lightness surrounds me when I am with her...I have always been able to just be "me" never having to "try" to impress or worry that what I said or do at any givin time would cause a rift or lessening of her love for me...That folks is a blessing...Thank you Mona.
Today we are friends...I test her though...I try to fuck her, she know's I am going to try to fuck her, and she's patient with me about it....I on one hand hope my flirting with her allows her to take some ego boost for herself, on the other, I may owe her an apology for treating her like a "sex object".......She's not going to get it.
The same reason Mona and I didn't stay together back then, are just as relevant today....Mona wants me to "give"...
I've thought about love a lot over the last year...I have come to a kind of formula about the different kinds of love we humans experience.
1. Friendship
2. Unconditional
3. Romantic
Friendship and Unconditional love are about "giving". Friends give friends a part of themselves. It's a give and take relationship.
Unconditional love is "giving" without the expectation of "taking". The most common example of unconditional love would be the love of a Mother for her child.
Romantic love however is not about "giving". Romantic love is all about "taking". It's a self centered love. It's about being hungry for someone, and them hungry for you. One doesn't "give" them self to their partner, one feeds them self on the partner. It's why romantic love is lusty, and the love making is "hot".
Romantic love is the kind of love I seek this time in my life....Friendship and the "giving" form of love is what Mona seeks ......I know what she will say when she reads this..."How wonderful of you to be so pretentious as to believe you know what I want.".....You see why I love her...
In fact after she reads this and she responds, I might do a "part two" just to give ya a detailed description.....of her feedback.......Remember Baby, you asked me to do this...Hee, hee....That'll teach ya to be careful what ya ask for....
For me to engage in romantic love with a woman who is seeking security, friendship, conditions, commitments, that all are part of friendship, would be disrespectful, and deceitful. Ramona is a fine woman, she deserves the "kind" of love from a partner she seeks......And I,...... deserve the same.
Anyway, for all you friendship "giving" kind of guys (no freaks please) out there that are looking for "the one" beautiful, sexy, funny, smart, make your pee pee fat, kind of chick, with lush auburn hair.....maybe I could set you two up.......We can discuss my "finders" fee at a later time, as the important thing is to get you two love birds together!!!
Sincerely,
Cupid's little buddy
Monday, April 7, 2008
The Love Of My Life
The love of my life is near,...here,...right here,... in my soul,....
Thoughts of her dictate my heart beat.
She is illusive, a constant wet dream flirting between conscious and subconscious....triggering my smiles, my laughter, my response to life,....my reflexion,....my pain, my compassion.
She deprives me,...she uplifts me,....she hurts me,...she fills me,....causing my soul to ache, causing my body to tremble....
...I have nothing to give her...and she the same....
...There is only the constant burning, throbbing desire to "take"...Take her body to feed my body, take her soul to meld with mine....My love is a selfish love, a self centered love, bordering on decadence, full of lust, concern, and worry.....
She is my yin,...she is my yang.....She is the vesicle by which I launch my vision to the world..
She is the beginning, the end, and the bell that tolls the hours of my day.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Yin and Yang
The yin and the yang
Today is Saturday and I am off work....Came ---- that close to having a date tonight off one of my dating sites. Man she was hot too, forty five, (robbin the craddle for me) petite, her profile pic she's layin on a bed with some kind of shimpy night gown showing most of her pear shaped mouth fulls, and the night gown ridin up exposing the most beautiful sculptured shanks goin.
Life would be so much easier if I'd learn to masturbate....I used to know how...When I was eight I fell in love for the first time and after several years of.....amazingly similar emotions that I feel today, at age eleven I discovered masturbation....It's fine, I mean until you've had the "real deal". After that.... it's not fine...It's a house of cards, a cheat, a let down... What can I say, now days when I get horny I want to fuck.....It's part of my "all or nothing" self centered core...So if anybody wants to know what it's like to be horny all the time just ask....I mean, like if some medical research outfit is looking for "horny all the time" subjects to do clinical studies on.... (free drugs included)....I am your huckleberry.
Honestly I don't mind it....At my age bein horny all the time keeps a man alive.....All that testosterone building up down there must at some point like leak into the blood cells and start to affect ones entire body and state of mind...I think it's some kind of natural fountain of youth deal...
I used to have "wet dreams" which are another form of cheat, but one where you can honestly say, ...."It wasn't me".... when you wake up...Those days are gone too...I don't dream at all anymore cuz by the time I go to sleep I'm too fucking exhausted to dream....Being horny all the time really takes it out of ya.....
Anyway, being a relatively reflexive personality, I try to use my condition as a positive vehicle in my every day life.....No I don't mean I fuck garbage cans,.....Jesus,....what kind of a guy do you take me for?.....What I mean is I've tried to take it to another level. Like how I address the general public when at work...It's a kind of spiritual explosion for me...It's like living in the moment and trying to make a point to "love" in that moment weather it's communicating with another person, or doing a routine job function...It's taking extra time to lovingly clean a saw blade instead of just getting it done because I have to...Or catching myself being...you know, if you've read my stuff,....myself...and adjusting my attitude to a more diversive acceptance of others...
The more I practice this sort of "Zen" approach to daily living the more I realize a definite division in my natural makeup as a person....I am a Doctor Jeckel, Mr. Hide....A candidate for saint hood, and the devils advocate all rolled up, put through a blender and spit out the ass end, landing on the kitchen floor cuz some fuck forgot to put a decent rubber washer on the business end of the contraption...
Why am I tellin you this?.....What the fuck do you care?....Why would you want to read this boring shit about me ranting on and on about ME?....What kind of purely self centered, self promoting, fuck, has the nerve to write this shit and post it for the world to see? And why are you still reading?......Don't you have a motorcycle to go ride or something?
....That right there.......That's the "dark side" of LooseCanon....
I wanted to post this in hopes others that read it would maybe take time to give pause,..just for a moment,..contemplate,... the "yin, yang", "positive, negative" mixing of energies that energizes every aspect of the universe and plays such a vital part of our lives....I for one have found it to be a tool, a reminder, that every waking moment of our lives we have a choice...
Today is Saturday and I am off work....Came ---- that close to having a date tonight off one of my dating sites. Man she was hot too, forty five, (robbin the craddle for me) petite, her profile pic she's layin on a bed with some kind of shimpy night gown showing most of her pear shaped mouth fulls, and the night gown ridin up exposing the most beautiful sculptured shanks goin.
Life would be so much easier if I'd learn to masturbate....I used to know how...When I was eight I fell in love for the first time and after several years of.....amazingly similar emotions that I feel today, at age eleven I discovered masturbation....It's fine, I mean until you've had the "real deal". After that.... it's not fine...It's a house of cards, a cheat, a let down... What can I say, now days when I get horny I want to fuck.....It's part of my "all or nothing" self centered core...So if anybody wants to know what it's like to be horny all the time just ask....I mean, like if some medical research outfit is looking for "horny all the time" subjects to do clinical studies on.... (free drugs included)....I am your huckleberry.
Honestly I don't mind it....At my age bein horny all the time keeps a man alive.....All that testosterone building up down there must at some point like leak into the blood cells and start to affect ones entire body and state of mind...I think it's some kind of natural fountain of youth deal...
I used to have "wet dreams" which are another form of cheat, but one where you can honestly say, ...."It wasn't me".... when you wake up...Those days are gone too...I don't dream at all anymore cuz by the time I go to sleep I'm too fucking exhausted to dream....Being horny all the time really takes it out of ya.....
Anyway, being a relatively reflexive personality, I try to use my condition as a positive vehicle in my every day life.....No I don't mean I fuck garbage cans,.....Jesus,....what kind of a guy do you take me for?.....What I mean is I've tried to take it to another level. Like how I address the general public when at work...It's a kind of spiritual explosion for me...It's like living in the moment and trying to make a point to "love" in that moment weather it's communicating with another person, or doing a routine job function...It's taking extra time to lovingly clean a saw blade instead of just getting it done because I have to...Or catching myself being...you know, if you've read my stuff,....myself...and adjusting my attitude to a more diversive acceptance of others...
The more I practice this sort of "Zen" approach to daily living the more I realize a definite division in my natural makeup as a person....I am a Doctor Jeckel, Mr. Hide....A candidate for saint hood, and the devils advocate all rolled up, put through a blender and spit out the ass end, landing on the kitchen floor cuz some fuck forgot to put a decent rubber washer on the business end of the contraption...
Why am I tellin you this?.....What the fuck do you care?....Why would you want to read this boring shit about me ranting on and on about ME?....What kind of purely self centered, self promoting, fuck, has the nerve to write this shit and post it for the world to see? And why are you still reading?......Don't you have a motorcycle to go ride or something?
....That right there.......That's the "dark side" of LooseCanon....
I wanted to post this in hopes others that read it would maybe take time to give pause,..just for a moment,..contemplate,... the "yin, yang", "positive, negative" mixing of energies that energizes every aspect of the universe and plays such a vital part of our lives....I for one have found it to be a tool, a reminder, that every waking moment of our lives we have a choice...
Balboa Park
Balboa Park
I am the kinda guy who wakes up in the morning and feels invincible..Like there is nothing I can't do...I've been known to remodel an entire room in the house before anybody else wakes up...Yep, the energizer bunny...that's me.
Only problem is I'm not invincible. In fact the same guy that wakes up everyday with a constant hard on, is the same guy who last night just before he snuffed out his last cigarette of the day, lit the filter end by mistake.
My latest scheme was to take two disabled women in wheelchairs for an outing to Balboa Park. That's in San Diego. Next to the zoo. The women are living in a Skilled Nursing Facility (nursing home) in a suburb of Diego. I didn't just walk in and pick out two strangers either, which to my credit means I actually gave this idea some forethought instead of doing my usual "fools rush in" approach.
One of the women's name is Shirley and the other is Donna.....Shirley is sixty two years and Donna is maybe forty five. Donna is a slim five nine redhead with milk white skin and big blue eyes that.....adore me...
Shirley is five seven and about two hundred pounds...Both of these women are spiritually evolved souls,..even with all they must bear at this time of their lives they can still laugh, smile, and appreciate...What they have in common is that they are room mates in the facility,....and me.
Donna has lived in this "home" for five years....Shirley for six weeks.
Shirley is my estranged wife....Estranged from marriage, however still the best of friends. I have been blessed with her friendship for over twenty years, and am much the better for knowing her...
Donna on the other hand is a stranger I have taken in...The first day Shirley became a resident I visited and learned that in the entire five years Donna has lived at this facility she had never once been "outside". She didn't trust the staff or the other residences to risk being forgotten and had bad visions of expiring outside in the courtyard alone in the dark, just her and her wheel chair...
That changed the first day I visited...For some unknown reason Donna trusted me from the first moment...I told her I was taking Shirley outside so she could enjoy a cigarette and would Donna like to go outside also?....She immediately said "yes please" in her soft as a mouse voice...I swear to God, no less than fifty people at the home were rubber necking, and commenting that "Donna is going outside" as we wheeled our way to the outer door.
I visit every other day to the home and Donna always goes "outside".
Once a week usually Thursday's I bring the two ladies food from the outside world. This is a "big deal" cuz it's what ever they order....Donna is a Italian food lover, and Shirley usually orders Chinese.
I got them Direct TV for their room and each has their own receiver so's they can channel jockey with out annoying one another.
Enough stroking my own ego (somebody needs to slap me sometimes) and back to the Balboa Park outing, or should I I be honest here and call it what it was?...fiasco..comes to mind....
Shirley can walk...I mean she can get from her wheelchair into and out of a car pretty much independently....Not the case with Donna...She weights only about 120 lbs., so no big deal right?....This is what I mean about me, waking up feeling invincible.....I wore a back brace,...I am not completely out of touch with reality....Hurt my back several years ago while working as a landscaper and have learned the hard way how to protect myself. Still, fuck me,...I was okay pickin her up out of the chair, but leanin over to get her into the front seat of my Honda....The roof is too low man, and I really banged the shit out of my forehead cuz I was so worried about my fragile package...I saw stars and I think I like made a quick loop around the universe and back again before I grabbed the door to steady myself......really smooth LooseCanon....I still have a fuckin headache.
So I get in the car right?, my hands are shakin', my head hurts, and now I know just how Donna feels about goin "outside".
Anyway I blow it off cuz I am a man and I don't want to freak out two already freaked out girls...I mean, it wouldn't be cool,..and I am always about the cool...No brag, just fact.
We get to Balboa Park, and it's a nice day. Big white clouds mixed with blue skies, a soft breeze, not cold at all. I park next to the zoo entrance cuz, always thinkin ahead, I know the lanes into the park here are pretty level. Shirley has assured me she can scoot along using her feet as propellers so I just have to manage Donna's wheelchair and get Shirl out of the occasional bad spot.
We hit the Spanish Arts Center, one of my favorite haunts...Lots of artisans hanging out in quaint little shops with the coolest stuff made from anything from tree bark to exotic gold jewelry. The folks working these art galleries are always busy doin their thing, and come on to you real lay back and mellow.....I've done this kind of thing in a past period of my life and I can tell you...They are really sweatin it inside, hoping against hope your goin to buy somethin, any fuckin thing so they don't have to close up later feeling totally depressed. It a tough, scary, insecure, way to go...Man, I got so much respect for all of them...Damn..
Donna is in a lot more pain than I realized...The foot square tile pavers all over the Spanish Art Center are bumpy and she feels everyone. It must have shaken somethin loose cuz next thing I know, ....she's got to "pee".......Like I said Donna is a stranger, and Shirley,...God bless her, can be of no help on this one.....I think it safe to say Donna and I are no longer strangers after today.
We tooled around and made it over to the Organ Pavilion. I am sweatin by now as it turns out there are no actual level spots at Balboa Park. It just appears that way to the casual visitor, the untrained eye, or those that think their invincible...The girls are munching on tacos and sodas while I lay down on some really pretty green lawn. You don't really appreciate all grass has to offer until to can lay down on your back, resting your bones, looking at the faces in the clouds peering back at you with a big ass "I told you so" fucking grin on their faces. The girls ask me why I am not eating with them....Like I am disin' them or somethin...kinda pouty,.. like I just turn down sex with em or somethin'....
...I just tell em' I ain't hungry...Truth is I am afraid I'll puke cuz I am tired, and hot, and horny, but not for them...and I just want to get done with this whole thing and go home....
It's cruel to the undisabled when the disabled try to "show" how much they can do for them selves...Yea, I know, it's a self esteem thing and all,... but in this case,.. "a woman's got to know her limitations". Shirley is always pullin this shit and it pisses me off cuz ninety percent of the time it just causes a hassle. I don't mean between us, we actually hardly ever fight, and in all the years together only have had one major blow out....I mean, it causes "complications"...On one hand it's healthy for her and I've got to grow up to it....On the other, it wears me out...
I am layin on the grass right?, catching my breath, resting my eyes, slowing down the heart rate, feeling the sweat on my brow dryin up, when I hear the soft mouse voice of Donna callin my name...She doesn't have a lot of emotion in that voice I must say...I casually answer "yea?", and after a couple of seconds I look up at her pointin her rail thin arm toward the horizon...Being a smart enough fella I look where she's referring to and see Shirley's run away wheel chair hauling ass down a thirteen percent grade...Napkins flyin off, taco wrapping flappin in the wind, paper plate layin next to the trash can she felt compelled to discard her used utilities into "all by her self"....I caught up to her, ...my left knee will never be the same,....but a nice "guy" saw the whole thing goin down before I ever got off the grass and saved the day....I am thankin the guy, Shirley is cryin and shit...thanking the guy...and I am noticing how my damn knee is givin me shit...like there's just bone on bone holdin it together when I put weight on it....Anyway the nice guy and his girlfriend go struttin off..(he's gettin some tonight, I can tell)......I get,..... to push Shirley (that's the two hundred pound Shirley) back up the hill...
......God hates me.
I am the kinda guy who wakes up in the morning and feels invincible..Like there is nothing I can't do...I've been known to remodel an entire room in the house before anybody else wakes up...Yep, the energizer bunny...that's me.
Only problem is I'm not invincible. In fact the same guy that wakes up everyday with a constant hard on, is the same guy who last night just before he snuffed out his last cigarette of the day, lit the filter end by mistake.
My latest scheme was to take two disabled women in wheelchairs for an outing to Balboa Park. That's in San Diego. Next to the zoo. The women are living in a Skilled Nursing Facility (nursing home) in a suburb of Diego. I didn't just walk in and pick out two strangers either, which to my credit means I actually gave this idea some forethought instead of doing my usual "fools rush in" approach.
One of the women's name is Shirley and the other is Donna.....Shirley is sixty two years and Donna is maybe forty five. Donna is a slim five nine redhead with milk white skin and big blue eyes that.....adore me...
Shirley is five seven and about two hundred pounds...Both of these women are spiritually evolved souls,..even with all they must bear at this time of their lives they can still laugh, smile, and appreciate...What they have in common is that they are room mates in the facility,....and me.
Donna has lived in this "home" for five years....Shirley for six weeks.
Shirley is my estranged wife....Estranged from marriage, however still the best of friends. I have been blessed with her friendship for over twenty years, and am much the better for knowing her...
Donna on the other hand is a stranger I have taken in...The first day Shirley became a resident I visited and learned that in the entire five years Donna has lived at this facility she had never once been "outside". She didn't trust the staff or the other residences to risk being forgotten and had bad visions of expiring outside in the courtyard alone in the dark, just her and her wheel chair...
That changed the first day I visited...For some unknown reason Donna trusted me from the first moment...I told her I was taking Shirley outside so she could enjoy a cigarette and would Donna like to go outside also?....She immediately said "yes please" in her soft as a mouse voice...I swear to God, no less than fifty people at the home were rubber necking, and commenting that "Donna is going outside" as we wheeled our way to the outer door.
I visit every other day to the home and Donna always goes "outside".
Once a week usually Thursday's I bring the two ladies food from the outside world. This is a "big deal" cuz it's what ever they order....Donna is a Italian food lover, and Shirley usually orders Chinese.
I got them Direct TV for their room and each has their own receiver so's they can channel jockey with out annoying one another.
Enough stroking my own ego (somebody needs to slap me sometimes) and back to the Balboa Park outing, or should I I be honest here and call it what it was?...fiasco..comes to mind....
Shirley can walk...I mean she can get from her wheelchair into and out of a car pretty much independently....Not the case with Donna...She weights only about 120 lbs., so no big deal right?....This is what I mean about me, waking up feeling invincible.....I wore a back brace,...I am not completely out of touch with reality....Hurt my back several years ago while working as a landscaper and have learned the hard way how to protect myself. Still, fuck me,...I was okay pickin her up out of the chair, but leanin over to get her into the front seat of my Honda....The roof is too low man, and I really banged the shit out of my forehead cuz I was so worried about my fragile package...I saw stars and I think I like made a quick loop around the universe and back again before I grabbed the door to steady myself......really smooth LooseCanon....I still have a fuckin headache.
So I get in the car right?, my hands are shakin', my head hurts, and now I know just how Donna feels about goin "outside".
Anyway I blow it off cuz I am a man and I don't want to freak out two already freaked out girls...I mean, it wouldn't be cool,..and I am always about the cool...No brag, just fact.
We get to Balboa Park, and it's a nice day. Big white clouds mixed with blue skies, a soft breeze, not cold at all. I park next to the zoo entrance cuz, always thinkin ahead, I know the lanes into the park here are pretty level. Shirley has assured me she can scoot along using her feet as propellers so I just have to manage Donna's wheelchair and get Shirl out of the occasional bad spot.
We hit the Spanish Arts Center, one of my favorite haunts...Lots of artisans hanging out in quaint little shops with the coolest stuff made from anything from tree bark to exotic gold jewelry. The folks working these art galleries are always busy doin their thing, and come on to you real lay back and mellow.....I've done this kind of thing in a past period of my life and I can tell you...They are really sweatin it inside, hoping against hope your goin to buy somethin, any fuckin thing so they don't have to close up later feeling totally depressed. It a tough, scary, insecure, way to go...Man, I got so much respect for all of them...Damn..
Donna is in a lot more pain than I realized...The foot square tile pavers all over the Spanish Art Center are bumpy and she feels everyone. It must have shaken somethin loose cuz next thing I know, ....she's got to "pee".......Like I said Donna is a stranger, and Shirley,...God bless her, can be of no help on this one.....I think it safe to say Donna and I are no longer strangers after today.
We tooled around and made it over to the Organ Pavilion. I am sweatin by now as it turns out there are no actual level spots at Balboa Park. It just appears that way to the casual visitor, the untrained eye, or those that think their invincible...The girls are munching on tacos and sodas while I lay down on some really pretty green lawn. You don't really appreciate all grass has to offer until to can lay down on your back, resting your bones, looking at the faces in the clouds peering back at you with a big ass "I told you so" fucking grin on their faces. The girls ask me why I am not eating with them....Like I am disin' them or somethin...kinda pouty,.. like I just turn down sex with em or somethin'....
...I just tell em' I ain't hungry...Truth is I am afraid I'll puke cuz I am tired, and hot, and horny, but not for them...and I just want to get done with this whole thing and go home....
It's cruel to the undisabled when the disabled try to "show" how much they can do for them selves...Yea, I know, it's a self esteem thing and all,... but in this case,.. "a woman's got to know her limitations". Shirley is always pullin this shit and it pisses me off cuz ninety percent of the time it just causes a hassle. I don't mean between us, we actually hardly ever fight, and in all the years together only have had one major blow out....I mean, it causes "complications"...On one hand it's healthy for her and I've got to grow up to it....On the other, it wears me out...
I am layin on the grass right?, catching my breath, resting my eyes, slowing down the heart rate, feeling the sweat on my brow dryin up, when I hear the soft mouse voice of Donna callin my name...She doesn't have a lot of emotion in that voice I must say...I casually answer "yea?", and after a couple of seconds I look up at her pointin her rail thin arm toward the horizon...Being a smart enough fella I look where she's referring to and see Shirley's run away wheel chair hauling ass down a thirteen percent grade...Napkins flyin off, taco wrapping flappin in the wind, paper plate layin next to the trash can she felt compelled to discard her used utilities into "all by her self"....I caught up to her, ...my left knee will never be the same,....but a nice "guy" saw the whole thing goin down before I ever got off the grass and saved the day....I am thankin the guy, Shirley is cryin and shit...thanking the guy...and I am noticing how my damn knee is givin me shit...like there's just bone on bone holdin it together when I put weight on it....Anyway the nice guy and his girlfriend go struttin off..(he's gettin some tonight, I can tell)......I get,..... to push Shirley (that's the two hundred pound Shirley) back up the hill...
......God hates me.
Dark Ages
Still in the dark ages?
Boy are we proud of ourselves! Only a few hundred years ago the dawn of the age of reason really pushed the envelope. Science developed the concept of objective experimentation and the world began to shed pre-conceived truths concerning the natural world. Previously dominating religious institutions were shaken to their foundations. Fortunately they were smart. It was time to retreat the bishop closer to home and play the queen in a brilliantly "inspired" move that would prove to save them....Faith.....
Whatever...
Don't get me wrong, I really dig some of what J.C. had to say. Especially the "treat others as you'd like to be treated" standard. It's beautiful how he put it all right there in a nut shell...Excellent dude!
However I digress....Back to science and the enlightenment of the world,....or so I thought....
Why has science determined that all life on this planet is based on cells?
That's true isn't it? If it doesn't have cells, it's not alive?
Somebody slap me if I am wrong here!
Does the air we breath have living cells? Does clean water we drink have living cells? What about the Earth, the soil that has broken down to the minerals absorbed by plant life? Sunlight? Science has determined that all of the above are elements essential to support life. My question is,...why can't these "elements" so much a vital part of our lives, be a form of life themselves?
Alien to our concept of cell based life yes, however these elements are found on a continued constant bases not only in our Solar System but through out the known universe.
It seems to me life forms based on cells is the oddity. We keep seeking life outside our planet, but are we seeking truth?.. or just looking for life via a narrow minded scope known as" life as we know it"?
I have been lately toying with the concept of rocks being an actual life form only alien to our concept of life. Earth her self, and heavenly bodies, gases, stars, ...are they just the platforms life generates it's self within, or are these life forms themselves? Even dare I say, conscious life forms?
My question is why not? The boundaries of research and experimentation seem content with the known cell based life forms that use the energy contained in light, heat, minerals, elements, to sustain cell based life.
I would like to challenge science to consider thinking outside the box. We may be looking halfway across the known universe when answers to our questions are here, staring us in the face.
Boy are we proud of ourselves! Only a few hundred years ago the dawn of the age of reason really pushed the envelope. Science developed the concept of objective experimentation and the world began to shed pre-conceived truths concerning the natural world. Previously dominating religious institutions were shaken to their foundations. Fortunately they were smart. It was time to retreat the bishop closer to home and play the queen in a brilliantly "inspired" move that would prove to save them....Faith.....
Whatever...
Don't get me wrong, I really dig some of what J.C. had to say. Especially the "treat others as you'd like to be treated" standard. It's beautiful how he put it all right there in a nut shell...Excellent dude!
However I digress....Back to science and the enlightenment of the world,....or so I thought....
Why has science determined that all life on this planet is based on cells?
That's true isn't it? If it doesn't have cells, it's not alive?
Somebody slap me if I am wrong here!
Does the air we breath have living cells? Does clean water we drink have living cells? What about the Earth, the soil that has broken down to the minerals absorbed by plant life? Sunlight? Science has determined that all of the above are elements essential to support life. My question is,...why can't these "elements" so much a vital part of our lives, be a form of life themselves?
Alien to our concept of cell based life yes, however these elements are found on a continued constant bases not only in our Solar System but through out the known universe.
It seems to me life forms based on cells is the oddity. We keep seeking life outside our planet, but are we seeking truth?.. or just looking for life via a narrow minded scope known as" life as we know it"?
I have been lately toying with the concept of rocks being an actual life form only alien to our concept of life. Earth her self, and heavenly bodies, gases, stars, ...are they just the platforms life generates it's self within, or are these life forms themselves? Even dare I say, conscious life forms?
My question is why not? The boundaries of research and experimentation seem content with the known cell based life forms that use the energy contained in light, heat, minerals, elements, to sustain cell based life.
I would like to challenge science to consider thinking outside the box. We may be looking halfway across the known universe when answers to our questions are here, staring us in the face.
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