Salvation
Chapter 4
San Diego, California
The woman startled him..
What she saw in that first few seconds was the unmasked wonder of a boy
in the grip of discovery..She liked it.
Then, as the man within the boy emerged, the eyes narrowed, taking her in..
"I am sorry"...Nick said embarrassed..."I didn't see you...Where did you come from?"
"Oh."..She turned a perfect oval face and pointed down the dirt road.."Just over there."
Her chestnut hair caught the dusk and colors of sunset..
She looked back at him again smiling."The green store?"
"Oh yeah"..He felt himself relax as the rational relativity of her appearance fell into place..
The establishment she referred to was a combination liquor & grocery just at the 94 highway.
A half city block from them.
"The green store" he nodded allowing his gaze to rest on her again..
A quarter of his awareness registered she was wearing riding gear..
A miniature version of his leather jacket. Black riding chaps over blue jeans, and motorcycle boots..
The other three quarters of him was lost in eyes, lips, and dimples of that smile.
It was right here in these first split seconds of silence.
When a man and woman first meet.
Nick had learned a great deal about himself, and the kind of woman he chose over the years.
Something that was the core of Nicolaus Flannery surfaced at these moments..
It was not the makings of conscience decision.
But a distinct wisdom of direction dictated by the soul.
An essence of being that from time to time, stepped in.
Cutting a decisive course at a fork in a road.
Nick's soul dictated silence..And in that silence he waited as he had done so many times before.
It was a moment of truth that, more often then not, resulted in separation..
The woman searched his eyes in that silence.
It didn't occur to her to step back.
She simply stepped forward.
Raising her hand for him to take.
In that gesture, she created a bridge.
In the eyes of Nicolaus Flannery, that act of creation changed her forever.
From a woman..To a goddess.
"Hi, I am Michelle."
He took her hand softly..absorbing it's warmth.
"Nick Flannery", he smiled.
"I know" she said..It was her turn to feel embarrassed..
"I mean, I saw you guys play..At the Crypt..About a month ago?"
He remembered. " Oh yeah, the one in Orange."
She laughed.."Dirt parking lot?..And "Bob", the three hundred pound bouncer?"
He chuckled, "Yep, that's the place!"..
"I play in a band too"..
"Really?"
She touched his arm.."I like how you guy's sound by the way."
"I am glad" he said..
She laughed.."Anyway, I didn't see you between the set, but I talked to, Toby?"
"Yeah."
"He was telling me about where you guys are from and about this rehearsal studio of yours."
"Right..You really play in a band?"
"Yeah."
"I think that's, wonderful!"
"Yeah..
So, I ride with this club, and we get down this way sometimes..Like, today!"
She laughed.."I remembered Toby saying it was in this railroad museum..
I wanted to check out this amazing studio for myself!."
"I am glad you did..It's more primitive than amazing though."
"I think it's cool!"
"Come on, I'll show it to you." He indicated for her to walk up the steps ahead of him.
"Nick?"
"Michelle?"
She smiled.."You think I should go get my bike?"
"Oh..Yeah..Just a second." He stepped inside the studio and grabbed his helmet.
"I'll give you a lift over there.."
"You ride too" she said.
"Yeah."
"I think that's wonderful."
"Yeah."
Los Angeles, California
"Tap, tap, tap"
"That's it!" Herman screamed at the door. "That's fucking it!"
He was crying, sniffling, wiping snot on the sleeve of his shirt as he approached the door.
Amazed himself at the level of rage he was still capable of.
He kicked the flattened writing table and phone set out of his way..
"That's it!...I am coming mother fucker!"...
He twist the door nob yanking the door.."You are so fucking lucky I don't have a gun, fucko'!"
A beautiful, young, sensual woman stood in the doorway.
She strutted into the apartment full of sexual confidence.
"Got a drink, big boy?"
Herman hung his head out the doorway expecting someone else to enter also, but then realized the
woman was alone.
He closed the door.."A drink?...Ah, yeah.." Pointing to the kitchen.."Right through there."
The woman winked then disappeared into the kitchen..
Herman could hear the sound of ice cubes and glasses..
"You'll have one with me Herm?" She spoke up so he could hear her from the next room, but her voice
retained a sultry texture to it.
Herman sat on the couch.
A moment later she returned with two glasses of gin and tonic on the rocks.
"It is Herm...right?" She handed him a glass.
Still standing she downed her's in one gulp.
"Yeah..Yeah it's Herm." He answered.
"Great"..She winked at him again then proceeded to the kitchen mixing another drink..
"So, Herm....You, called?"
He was scattered, confused, just beginning to regain some steadfast of mind.
"Called?..Well, yes..Originally...On the phone."
He sucked on the gin, felt the warm glow hit his stomach and continued..
"Yeah, on the phone I spoke to a man.."
He could hear the gin and tonic hitting the glass as she poured.
"Would you have preferred me a man?" She called out.
He relaxed a little reflecting on her pert upturned breasts. Settling into the couch, crossing his legs.
"No, no..That's not what I mean..I was just expecting a man, I guess."
"Cause, I can do a man, Herm."
Herman's eyes snapped up..It was a man's voice, and it was definitely a man who just walked out of the kitchen.
He wore a zoot suit and over sized fedora..He stood, towering over Herman.
Stirring at a glass of gin with a cocktail umbrella.
"I can do a man like nobody can!"
Herman squealed, "Whoa!"... slamming the gin down his throat.."How did you..?
"Cut the chit chat Herm!" The man interrupted.."Let's get down to business..I repeat...You called?"
He slid down on the sofa next to Herman whispering in his ear.
"So..Entertain me...Freak."
Herman jumped.."Ok..so, alright.. You want to hear the demo right?"..
The man, pulled out a pocket watch.."You've got three minutes Herm..And this better be good..
Cause if I get bored"..He pointed at the floor.."I'll drag your ass down stairs..Hang you on a meat hook till some friends of mine show up for lunch!"
Herman stammered making his way toward the bedroom. "The stereo is in there..I'll turn it up loud."
He slipped in the demo cd of the single "King of the World" his band "MENACE" had finished last week.
Then forced himself to return to the couch.
"My band" he said as the music started.
MENACE music was hard core metal rock. Herman's high pitched guttural vocals sliced through the
heavy bass lines complimenting consistent second octave lightning fast guitar rifts..
All of it riding gigantic sound waves of unbelievable one hundred fifty beat per minute monster percussion.
When the song ended, the air still rippled and shuttered through out the apartment like a series of after shocks.
"Well, what do you think?" Herman asked the man..He couldn't help himself..He was confident..He loved his music and he knew it was good.
The man stood up and turned to Herman..
His eyes were black coal.. Slack Lips slid back into eternity..
A gateway to hell lined with metallic spikes..
Shrewd razors that might in another world, be associated with teeth.
"What do I think?"..He advanced..A great gaping jaw expiring the breath of doom lingered inches from Herman's face..
"What do I think?" It screamed.."My ears are ringing!..My head is throbbing!..That music stinks!..Your
vocals suck!..And, I think I am going to be.."
He vomited...Green gobs of chunky puke covered Herman's head and face..It stuck and slipped it's way down his jaws and chin dripping thick stew....."Sick!"...
Herman rolled off the couch a gagged maggot.."Oh God!..Oh, God, oh God!"...
The man moved quickly.
Grabbing the back of Herman's head, forcing him down to his elbows and knees.
Then kneeling and kicking Herman's knees apart, began dry humping him while speaking seductively to his left ear..
"It's exciting stuff Herm!..Right up my alley!...Yeah!...Yeah, get it baby, get it!"
Completely helpless Herman only moaned "Oh, God!"
"What?"...What the fuck did you say?"
Disgusted, pushing it's self off Herman It stood and thundered.."God has nothing to do with this!''
It stood a moment straightening the zoot suit, turned and headed for the kitchen.
"I need a fucking drink."
Herman slowly drug up to his knees.
A seventy year old obese woman emerged from the kitchen.
She wore black and red lingerie while sporting a tall boy glass of booze and ice.
"Oh, there you are you silly, boy!"..She giggled and swigged.."Come on now, up and at them eh?
You want to be rich and famous don't you Hermie?..Time is money, and idleness a sin."
She swaggered, downing her drink then threw the empty glass shattering it against a wall..
"Whee!"..She shrieked in joy then danced giddily..
Rolls of fat shivered and quivered keeping time with flaccid arm flab.
"I don't know..I don't know, I just love doing that!"
Herman stared at the spectacle in bewilderment.
She advanced toward him seductively running her hands over a cellulite infested body.
"Oh baby!...You look good!..Uh huh...Your going to go far with that body!"
She took a wide stance directly in front of him.
Reaching down she grabbing the front of his shirt and yanked him to a standing position..
His arms were slack, waving at his sides like a rag doll subject to a stiff breeze..
She held him close gyrating against him..Cupping his crotch in her left hand..
"Yeah baby..Your going to be,...in there!"
Taking Herman's left hand she held it to her right breast slowly rotating.
"Yeah, oh yeah baby that's the spot!"
She reached up slowly massaging his hair, then grabbed it with both fists..
"First we got some business to take car of."
Forcing his head down between her enormous cleavage she giggled and squirmed..
"Contract!"...You see the contract, baby?"
She lifted his head allowing him to breath..
"I...Yes, I."...He responded like a puppet..
"Good!" She giggled pulling his head back down.."Good, good, good!"
"Get it baby!...Get it!"..With your teeth!" Pull it out nice, with your teeth."
Herman obliged.
Slowly she lifted his head with the contract papers clinging in his jaws.
Moaning and riving ecstasy as the paper slipped between her breasts..
"Oh, oh, oh!..Yeah, yeah, disco biscuit honey!"..
She tore the contract from his mouth.
Grabbed his buns pulling him hard..Grinding her hips..Whispering in his ear.
"Oh baby!...Was it good for you too?" She giggled releasing him and sank herself on the couch.
Laying the contract papers on the coffee table she lit a smoke..
"All that's left is the signing" she grinned..
Herman move in slow motion. Staring at the paper work staring back at him.
She shook a finger at him coyly. "Don't you disappoint me now."
He pointed to the bedroom.."I..I have to find a pen."
The old woman suddenly looked disqusted. She stamped out the cigarette on the floor.
"No, no, no you idiot!" She leaped up pounding him on his back. Herman fell sprawled over the coffee table.
"Don't you know anything?"...In blood!...It's got to be signed in blood!"
With his back to her she attacked..
Spreading her legs she straddled him sinking her teeth into the base of his neck..
Herman screamed and the scream built as she tore a chunk of flesh away..Spitting it to the foor she attacked again sucking a mouth full of blood from the wound.
She stood up bringing Herman with her by the nap of his neck..Holding up the contract she sprayed blood over the front page..
Grinning.. Red liquid running down the corners of her mouth. "There!..That will do!"
As Herman fainted away, the clock in the kitchen struck midnight.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
SALVATION chapter 3
Salvation
Chapter 3
San Diego, California
Nick had been working the better part of an hour in the little office area of the studio when he heard the approach of Buck's old ford econoline van.
He punched the print icon waiting for the 'Battle of the Bands' advertisement to
emerge from the old Canon 1600 before logging off the internet.
Buck, Toby, and Mac sat in the van a minute finishing off a joint before the van's door hinges
squeaked and moaned signaling their exit.
Toby walked around stretching, and pulling dark sunglasses over the top of his receding hairline while
viewing the sky..."Oh, man..Dude, is it only ten?"
Mac checked the watch wrapped around his meaty wrist. "Quarter after".."Why?"..
He laughed, "Bro, you look like somebody walking on the moon for the first time.."
"Hotter than hell out here already."..Toby groaned..
"Bitch, bitch, bitch", Buck muttered..
"Blow me" Toby shot back...He pulled open the van and grabbed the 12 pack they'd hauled up with them.
Smiling, "Man can not live under these conditions without beer."
"Too early for me" Buck said moving to the shade of the big oak tree.
"I'll take one of those bad boys" Mac grinned..
"Go long", Toby said pulling a can out of the box. He backed up two steps feinting a quarter back.
"Fuck that!"...Mac stood.
Buck began his ritual Tai Chi exercises..He was tall, lean, sharp featured with jet black hair and green eyes.
Lead guitar, vocals, and a good foundation in the language of music.
His riffs were exacting, practiced to perfection, regimented.
What Nick brought to the band in the form of raw fresh inspiration, Buck balanced with hard finite boundaries dictated by music theory.
Together they had broken through some walls of convention and emerged an artistic expression to be dealt with.
Toby and Mac stood around a few minutes mesmerized by the display of fluent motion Buck demonstrated with the Tai Chi movements..
Fly's and meat bees being what they are..It wasn't long before the young men's concentration was disrupted by involuntary swats and swipes of defense..
They looked at each other, and broke out laughing...
The kind of giddy uncontrollable nonsense laughter that is inherent with a pot high..
Toby jerked a thumb in Buck's direction..."Talk about your man on the moon!"..
Causing the laughing hysteria to regenerate it's self, over and over...
"you guys are gay"..Buck commented never breaking his rhythm..
"Your girl friend doesn't think so" Mac spat back causing another round of side splitting.
As the boxcar was safe and secure it afforded the luxury of leaving their equipment set up..
Only packed and moved into the econoline Thursday nights as Friday, Saturday and Sunday's were gig days.
Toby and Mac managed to stumble their way up the wood steps to the studio..
Mac played drums and Toby bass guitar...
Like night and day, once in the studio their demeanor's changed..
Business like concentration..The work day had begun.
Three minutes later the stock yard erupted in a wall of sound..
Mac and Toby jammed warm ups..
Buck entered the studio and moon danced his way to the hard shell case housing his favorite Gibson Les Paul..
He slapped on the Marshal Stack, digitally tuned, and within 30 seconds had joined in..
Unplugged, was never in the mind set of any member of INTENT..
Los Angeles, California
Herman blinked..The shower stall was empty.."What the?"..
"Ring, ring"...The sound was right behind him.
Spinning around, his heart gagged in his throat.
What he saw recoiled his mind..Instinct reflex forced his body back.
His heels caught the edge of the shower entry..
Eyes bulging, arms flailing, ripping and tripping through the curtain as inertia had it's way..
Two things flashed through his intellect a split fraction before the back of his head meld with the ceramic sidewall of the shower.
"Things in motion tend to stay in motion"..And,...Wylie Coyote..
BAM!..Bam, bam!...The Flintstone kid kept flickering in and out of his vision as he slid down the wall..
He heard Ralf Cramdon yelling, "One of these days Alice!...To the Moon!"
He came to rest sitting on the shower floor..
Feet and shins poking out at a 45 degree angle pointing directly at the phone set sitting on the sink counter..
The mangled end of the extension line slithered and snapped like the tail of a poisonous snake.
Like a 'Headless Horseman' the decapitated jack terminal end was mysteriously missing..
Only Jagged flayed wire remained where the line had been savaged from the wall..
"Ring, ring"..."What a fucking day" Herman whispered, fainting in and out of conscienceness..
"Ring, ring"..."What a fucking day."
San Diego, California
"..And I find, that I don't understand, about love...
In time, will passion harmonize, with trust?
I really want to know, baby if it's so let's take a chance..
Please make up your mind do you want to find some true romance?
I want you to stay...
I want you to stay...
I want you to stay...
Nick belted out the bridge and chorus lines to the title track of the bands pending third album release..
It was now 7 pm and although exhausted, the atmosphere was one of a highly charged and productive day.
Nick's announcement of the up coming annual "Battle of the Bands" event hosted by a coalition of major record label corporations provided the band with new incentive..
The event was huge..Bands from all over the world bled, begged, borrowed, or stole to meet the criteria and thousand dollar per band member entry fee for a chance to be a part of it..
Every year one band walked away the winner of a guaranteed major record company recording contract, and international tour deal.
Opening for no less than the current tenth rated band in the world..
An honest to goodness tangible opportunity to be the next 'over night sensation' any ten year old kid ever fantasized jumping on their bed playing air guitar in front of 50,000 screaming cheering fans...
An hour later Buck, Mac and Toby piled back in the econoline talking a mile a minute about the shoe in INTENT would be at the Battle of the Bands event..
After the vans tail lights faded Nick sat down on the steps of the deck shaking his head.."Like kids at Christmas eve."
Crickets chirped in agreement..A hoot owl sang it's evening song, while coyotes answered in the distance..
Even after a gallon of folgers through out the day, he felt his head sag, and his palms returning to the boiling pots of water...Every day seemed to end the way it began.."Fuck, fuck, fuck," he whispered to himself..
"I am sorry"...Were you talking to me?"
He pulled his hands away and lifted his head..
The woman that stood before him was a vision..
Los Angeles, California
He woke up.
Sensing the back of his head was still intact, but the sick headache generating from back there made him question it..
Slowly raising his right arm he pressed a palm and felt a knot and something more..
Dry blood caked in his hair.
The traps between his shoulder blades burned, but he managed to get himself out of the shower and onto the toilet before pissing himself...
The phone stared back in silent menace.
"You"...He glared with pure hate.."You fucking, fuck!"..
Overwhelmed with rage, he stood, swooped up the handset and marched into the living room heaving it with all his might into the front door..
Stars filled his eyes, and feeling he was going to pass out again, grabbed an arm of the couch steading himself.
"You!...You belong over there!..With the fucking writing table, asshole!"
"Tap, tap, tap."...
Somebody, or something was at the door.
Fear..Total blinding freaking fear swallowed his rage like Jonah to a whale.
"Get the..fuck!...Get the fuck out of here!"
"Tap, tap, tap."..
"God damn it!..Are you deaf?...I said fuck off!"..
"Tap, tap, tap.".
He was whining now...Broken, and defeated.."Please....Leave God damn you."..
"Tap, tap, tap"....Something was at the door..
Chapter 3
San Diego, California
Nick had been working the better part of an hour in the little office area of the studio when he heard the approach of Buck's old ford econoline van.
He punched the print icon waiting for the 'Battle of the Bands' advertisement to
emerge from the old Canon 1600 before logging off the internet.
Buck, Toby, and Mac sat in the van a minute finishing off a joint before the van's door hinges
squeaked and moaned signaling their exit.
Toby walked around stretching, and pulling dark sunglasses over the top of his receding hairline while
viewing the sky..."Oh, man..Dude, is it only ten?"
Mac checked the watch wrapped around his meaty wrist. "Quarter after".."Why?"..
He laughed, "Bro, you look like somebody walking on the moon for the first time.."
"Hotter than hell out here already."..Toby groaned..
"Bitch, bitch, bitch", Buck muttered..
"Blow me" Toby shot back...He pulled open the van and grabbed the 12 pack they'd hauled up with them.
Smiling, "Man can not live under these conditions without beer."
"Too early for me" Buck said moving to the shade of the big oak tree.
"I'll take one of those bad boys" Mac grinned..
"Go long", Toby said pulling a can out of the box. He backed up two steps feinting a quarter back.
"Fuck that!"...Mac stood.
Buck began his ritual Tai Chi exercises..He was tall, lean, sharp featured with jet black hair and green eyes.
Lead guitar, vocals, and a good foundation in the language of music.
His riffs were exacting, practiced to perfection, regimented.
What Nick brought to the band in the form of raw fresh inspiration, Buck balanced with hard finite boundaries dictated by music theory.
Together they had broken through some walls of convention and emerged an artistic expression to be dealt with.
Toby and Mac stood around a few minutes mesmerized by the display of fluent motion Buck demonstrated with the Tai Chi movements..
Fly's and meat bees being what they are..It wasn't long before the young men's concentration was disrupted by involuntary swats and swipes of defense..
They looked at each other, and broke out laughing...
The kind of giddy uncontrollable nonsense laughter that is inherent with a pot high..
Toby jerked a thumb in Buck's direction..."Talk about your man on the moon!"..
Causing the laughing hysteria to regenerate it's self, over and over...
"you guys are gay"..Buck commented never breaking his rhythm..
"Your girl friend doesn't think so" Mac spat back causing another round of side splitting.
As the boxcar was safe and secure it afforded the luxury of leaving their equipment set up..
Only packed and moved into the econoline Thursday nights as Friday, Saturday and Sunday's were gig days.
Toby and Mac managed to stumble their way up the wood steps to the studio..
Mac played drums and Toby bass guitar...
Like night and day, once in the studio their demeanor's changed..
Business like concentration..The work day had begun.
Three minutes later the stock yard erupted in a wall of sound..
Mac and Toby jammed warm ups..
Buck entered the studio and moon danced his way to the hard shell case housing his favorite Gibson Les Paul..
He slapped on the Marshal Stack, digitally tuned, and within 30 seconds had joined in..
Unplugged, was never in the mind set of any member of INTENT..
Los Angeles, California
Herman blinked..The shower stall was empty.."What the?"..
"Ring, ring"...The sound was right behind him.
Spinning around, his heart gagged in his throat.
What he saw recoiled his mind..Instinct reflex forced his body back.
His heels caught the edge of the shower entry..
Eyes bulging, arms flailing, ripping and tripping through the curtain as inertia had it's way..
Two things flashed through his intellect a split fraction before the back of his head meld with the ceramic sidewall of the shower.
"Things in motion tend to stay in motion"..And,...Wylie Coyote..
BAM!..Bam, bam!...The Flintstone kid kept flickering in and out of his vision as he slid down the wall..
He heard Ralf Cramdon yelling, "One of these days Alice!...To the Moon!"
He came to rest sitting on the shower floor..
Feet and shins poking out at a 45 degree angle pointing directly at the phone set sitting on the sink counter..
The mangled end of the extension line slithered and snapped like the tail of a poisonous snake.
Like a 'Headless Horseman' the decapitated jack terminal end was mysteriously missing..
Only Jagged flayed wire remained where the line had been savaged from the wall..
"Ring, ring"..."What a fucking day" Herman whispered, fainting in and out of conscienceness..
"Ring, ring"..."What a fucking day."
San Diego, California
"..And I find, that I don't understand, about love...
In time, will passion harmonize, with trust?
I really want to know, baby if it's so let's take a chance..
Please make up your mind do you want to find some true romance?
I want you to stay...
I want you to stay...
I want you to stay...
Nick belted out the bridge and chorus lines to the title track of the bands pending third album release..
It was now 7 pm and although exhausted, the atmosphere was one of a highly charged and productive day.
Nick's announcement of the up coming annual "Battle of the Bands" event hosted by a coalition of major record label corporations provided the band with new incentive..
The event was huge..Bands from all over the world bled, begged, borrowed, or stole to meet the criteria and thousand dollar per band member entry fee for a chance to be a part of it..
Every year one band walked away the winner of a guaranteed major record company recording contract, and international tour deal.
Opening for no less than the current tenth rated band in the world..
An honest to goodness tangible opportunity to be the next 'over night sensation' any ten year old kid ever fantasized jumping on their bed playing air guitar in front of 50,000 screaming cheering fans...
An hour later Buck, Mac and Toby piled back in the econoline talking a mile a minute about the shoe in INTENT would be at the Battle of the Bands event..
After the vans tail lights faded Nick sat down on the steps of the deck shaking his head.."Like kids at Christmas eve."
Crickets chirped in agreement..A hoot owl sang it's evening song, while coyotes answered in the distance..
Even after a gallon of folgers through out the day, he felt his head sag, and his palms returning to the boiling pots of water...Every day seemed to end the way it began.."Fuck, fuck, fuck," he whispered to himself..
"I am sorry"...Were you talking to me?"
He pulled his hands away and lifted his head..
The woman that stood before him was a vision..
Los Angeles, California
He woke up.
Sensing the back of his head was still intact, but the sick headache generating from back there made him question it..
Slowly raising his right arm he pressed a palm and felt a knot and something more..
Dry blood caked in his hair.
The traps between his shoulder blades burned, but he managed to get himself out of the shower and onto the toilet before pissing himself...
The phone stared back in silent menace.
"You"...He glared with pure hate.."You fucking, fuck!"..
Overwhelmed with rage, he stood, swooped up the handset and marched into the living room heaving it with all his might into the front door..
Stars filled his eyes, and feeling he was going to pass out again, grabbed an arm of the couch steading himself.
"You!...You belong over there!..With the fucking writing table, asshole!"
"Tap, tap, tap."...
Somebody, or something was at the door.
Fear..Total blinding freaking fear swallowed his rage like Jonah to a whale.
"Get the..fuck!...Get the fuck out of here!"
"Tap, tap, tap."..
"God damn it!..Are you deaf?...I said fuck off!"..
"Tap, tap, tap.".
He was whining now...Broken, and defeated.."Please....Leave God damn you."..
"Tap, tap, tap"....Something was at the door..
SALVATION chapter 2
Salvation
Chapter 2
Los Angeles, California
Herman cleaned the apartment.
He thought about getting somebody to do it for him, but as the day spent he felt himself growing continually more anxious about the 'interview'..
He had kept it as his secret. Not tipping anyone inside or outside the band of his intention..
The 'bitch' was as close as he'd come to letting on..That was a mistake..
A weak moment...It happens when you over medicate. The trappings of wine women and drugs..
Deluding the kind of fierce commitment needed every hour of every day.
Until it finally arrives...That day...
When you can look back and say, "I've got it...I own it..I made it ...I am it...The king of the world."
In the end, everything boils down to just one thing..Where your at, and where you want to be.
Ten years of blood, sweat, and humility solidified his resolve..
Ten years of twenty hours days, dump dives, greasy back alleys, and the constant nagging heart ache of an indifferent audience.
It was 10 pm now and he had busied himself for three hours keeping his mind off the interview.
A hard bound text had arrived in the mail and lay open on the coffee table..
A short handwritten note accompanied the volume.
Your interview is scheduled.
Read the chants indicated to confirm.
He knew what it was..It didn't take a rocket scientist to understand what it was...Anyone could sense it...It stank of evil..
Of dry dead things long since turned to dust..
It was as if the pages themselves were composed layer upon layer of that dust.
Pasted or glued together then flattened into a paper by some dark ritual rolling pin..
Pages that stuck to his fingertips when he touched them...Leaving a feeling of wetness, and of something else. Something moving, crawling, absorbing itself inside him..
Even the type set seemed to move out of the corner of his eye..
He had felt cold shivers up his spine all day giving him to believe he was coming down with a flu.
But now, sitting close to the book he sensed the source of his discomfort..
As he began to read the first incantation the entire room seemed to lose all its ambient heat.
He watched his breath exhale into the room, and was first amazed then startled to see it change from white to fluorescent green..
He bolted from the couch heading to the kitchen.."I need a drink!"...
The green thickened filling the room with every breath..
He giggled close to insanity..."Simple Green!"....
Tearing at a bottle of Jack Daniels like a thirsty kid on kool aid he giggled again..
"Simple Green Machine!"...
The inset lighting in the living room ceiling throbbed dark red against dense green fog..
Herman sat back on the couch gripping the bottle between his legs..
The pages of the text flipped madly in response to a howling wind initiated from the text itself spiraling out and filling the apartment..
Paperwork blew off the writing desk marching in time with pictures swaying and shaking against walls.
Herman's body broke out in a thick sweat.
He felt the couch frame move then heard himself scream as it fell victim to the torrent..
Eyes and head rolled back as sheer G force merged couch and tornado.
Flying in vicious circles inches from the ceiling..Around and around and around the room..
At some point he lost it and the walls of the room suffered an instant make over...Art deco compliments of Jack Daniels.
Herman didn't care...He knew he was going to die...He knew it and dying was all he wished for..
It was at the moment of that wish time stopped. Motion stopped..Sound stopped..Only silence remained.
Herman realized it but didn't not dare open his eyes...He waited..Silent.
Drip, drip drip...He felt tears.."Does a dead guy feel tears?" he wondered...
Then he felt himself shake. Starting at the marrow and working its way out.
His whole body vibrated uncontrollably.."Can a dead guy shake like this?"...He opened his eyes.
The ceiling was no more than two inches from his nose..He cranked his neck lowering one eye ball..
Across the room pictures and papers hung in the air..
He looked closer..Not floating......Suspended.
Herman gasped...And in the gasp his world was set back in motion..
Papers, pictures, and couches, resumed their natural place in the universe, and in doing so, were sent crashing to the ground.
Exhaused, Herman dared not move..The red lighting and fluorescent green fog had vanished..
The apartment seemed 'normal' appearing very much like it did a few hours previous, before he began to clean it..
"Ring, ring"....He vaguely recoznized the sound..."Ring, ring"...He was sure it was the phone, but it sounded far away.."Ring, ring"...The writing desk where the phone usually sat was gone, and so was the phone.."Ring, ring"...He crept off the couch like a hunted animal..Every muscle screamed at him.
The writing desk lay crushed in a heap near the front door.."Ring, ring"..."The bathroom?" he mused..
Equilibrium was a problem..He'd just been on the amusement park ride of his life.."Ring, ring"...
"Definitely the bathroom"...
The shower curtain was shut closed..The persistant "ring, ring" was coming from just behind it..
"That's not possible...That's not fucking possible!"..."Ring, ring" the sound notch up a few decibels..
"Your not fucking possible!" he screamed..."There's no phone jack in here!"
"RING, RING"...His shoulder muscles throbbed desperately supporting a trembling outstreached arm. Standing at the brink, in an act of pure definance, he clinched a fist full of the curtain, and tore it open..
San Diego, California
The rehearsal studio Nick and members of the band INTENT used was located in a rural mountain area
of San Diego County..
Nick used the 94 highway as his route because the road was a good wake up call riding a bike.
Mostly single lanes.
Steady climbing from sea level to 3,000 feet over a 50 mile range of twisting switch backs fronting
the U.S. & Mexico border.
The Harley practically drove itself.. A learned instinct resulting from years and years of familiarity over the same commute.
At 2,500 feet the damp cool cloud cover lay beneath them. Peaks of higher hills crowned with enormous broken fragments of igneous rock appeared as islands bathing in an ocean of white sea.
Mountain sage, Live oak, manzanita, and wild mustard weed mingled to perfume the dry warm air.
He took a turn off and the macadam was replaced by a smooth tarmac of decomposed granite leading into the San Diego/Arizona Railroad Museum.
Once a rusting grave yard of discarded locomotive remains.
Now, a moderately flurishing reminder of early industrial Man's heavy transportation achievement.
Nick rode behind the terminal to the stock yard as great silent gods stood meditating memories of their illustrious pasts.
It is here INTENT hangs it's hat..Nick discovered the faded yellow box car five years ago nested under the shady arms of a giant oak.
Big, strong, secure, and cheap. Only two major rules in the lease agreement.
No rehearsals on weekends. The founders of the museum, retired railroad men themselves, supplement
Historical Society grant funding with tourist train ride excursions every Saturday and Sunday..
The other rule: No over nighters..The folks at the train museum didn't want to risk crossing county vagrancy laws.
Rehearsal times started at 10 am.
Nick was early and glad for it..
Because he was founder of the band, or maybe at thirty five, being the oldest member, business dealings fell like rain into his lap. Promotion, marketing, budgets, contracts, client and A&R interfacing.
Toby, Buck, and Mac all bitched about the lack of gigs..The lack of major record deals..The lack of women, cars, beer, gear, and clothes.
They just didn't want the responsibility of doing anything about it.
Crossing the line to management meant setting themselves up to get bitched out.
In Nick's eyes the other members were just kids..Average age of twenty five..
Still absorbed in the pursuit and persona of the American Rock Star.
These thoughts accompanied him as he slid the kick stand and dismounted the Harley.
The regular fans, flocks of ravens and bluejays greeted him as he assended four steps to the wood deck he'd built up flush with the boxcar's big steel entry door.
He keyed the oversize lock and pulled away the locking bar that ran the entire lenght of the
sliding door. Then leaned heavy into the three foot door handle getting the left to right wheel action going.
Nick stood at the open doorway a moment. The scent of the car filled his nostrils..
Years and years of hauling hay had permeated it's very being..
For the first time today he smiled, and with the smile followed a chuckle..
"Home."
Chapter 2
Los Angeles, California
Herman cleaned the apartment.
He thought about getting somebody to do it for him, but as the day spent he felt himself growing continually more anxious about the 'interview'..
He had kept it as his secret. Not tipping anyone inside or outside the band of his intention..
The 'bitch' was as close as he'd come to letting on..That was a mistake..
A weak moment...It happens when you over medicate. The trappings of wine women and drugs..
Deluding the kind of fierce commitment needed every hour of every day.
Until it finally arrives...That day...
When you can look back and say, "I've got it...I own it..I made it ...I am it...The king of the world."
In the end, everything boils down to just one thing..Where your at, and where you want to be.
Ten years of blood, sweat, and humility solidified his resolve..
Ten years of twenty hours days, dump dives, greasy back alleys, and the constant nagging heart ache of an indifferent audience.
It was 10 pm now and he had busied himself for three hours keeping his mind off the interview.
A hard bound text had arrived in the mail and lay open on the coffee table..
A short handwritten note accompanied the volume.
Your interview is scheduled.
Read the chants indicated to confirm.
He knew what it was..It didn't take a rocket scientist to understand what it was...Anyone could sense it...It stank of evil..
Of dry dead things long since turned to dust..
It was as if the pages themselves were composed layer upon layer of that dust.
Pasted or glued together then flattened into a paper by some dark ritual rolling pin..
Pages that stuck to his fingertips when he touched them...Leaving a feeling of wetness, and of something else. Something moving, crawling, absorbing itself inside him..
Even the type set seemed to move out of the corner of his eye..
He had felt cold shivers up his spine all day giving him to believe he was coming down with a flu.
But now, sitting close to the book he sensed the source of his discomfort..
As he began to read the first incantation the entire room seemed to lose all its ambient heat.
He watched his breath exhale into the room, and was first amazed then startled to see it change from white to fluorescent green..
He bolted from the couch heading to the kitchen.."I need a drink!"...
The green thickened filling the room with every breath..
He giggled close to insanity..."Simple Green!"....
Tearing at a bottle of Jack Daniels like a thirsty kid on kool aid he giggled again..
"Simple Green Machine!"...
The inset lighting in the living room ceiling throbbed dark red against dense green fog..
Herman sat back on the couch gripping the bottle between his legs..
The pages of the text flipped madly in response to a howling wind initiated from the text itself spiraling out and filling the apartment..
Paperwork blew off the writing desk marching in time with pictures swaying and shaking against walls.
Herman's body broke out in a thick sweat.
He felt the couch frame move then heard himself scream as it fell victim to the torrent..
Eyes and head rolled back as sheer G force merged couch and tornado.
Flying in vicious circles inches from the ceiling..Around and around and around the room..
At some point he lost it and the walls of the room suffered an instant make over...Art deco compliments of Jack Daniels.
Herman didn't care...He knew he was going to die...He knew it and dying was all he wished for..
It was at the moment of that wish time stopped. Motion stopped..Sound stopped..Only silence remained.
Herman realized it but didn't not dare open his eyes...He waited..Silent.
Drip, drip drip...He felt tears.."Does a dead guy feel tears?" he wondered...
Then he felt himself shake. Starting at the marrow and working its way out.
His whole body vibrated uncontrollably.."Can a dead guy shake like this?"...He opened his eyes.
The ceiling was no more than two inches from his nose..He cranked his neck lowering one eye ball..
Across the room pictures and papers hung in the air..
He looked closer..Not floating......Suspended.
Herman gasped...And in the gasp his world was set back in motion..
Papers, pictures, and couches, resumed their natural place in the universe, and in doing so, were sent crashing to the ground.
Exhaused, Herman dared not move..The red lighting and fluorescent green fog had vanished..
The apartment seemed 'normal' appearing very much like it did a few hours previous, before he began to clean it..
"Ring, ring"....He vaguely recoznized the sound..."Ring, ring"...He was sure it was the phone, but it sounded far away.."Ring, ring"...The writing desk where the phone usually sat was gone, and so was the phone.."Ring, ring"...He crept off the couch like a hunted animal..Every muscle screamed at him.
The writing desk lay crushed in a heap near the front door.."Ring, ring"..."The bathroom?" he mused..
Equilibrium was a problem..He'd just been on the amusement park ride of his life.."Ring, ring"...
"Definitely the bathroom"...
The shower curtain was shut closed..The persistant "ring, ring" was coming from just behind it..
"That's not possible...That's not fucking possible!"..."Ring, ring" the sound notch up a few decibels..
"Your not fucking possible!" he screamed..."There's no phone jack in here!"
"RING, RING"...His shoulder muscles throbbed desperately supporting a trembling outstreached arm. Standing at the brink, in an act of pure definance, he clinched a fist full of the curtain, and tore it open..
San Diego, California
The rehearsal studio Nick and members of the band INTENT used was located in a rural mountain area
of San Diego County..
Nick used the 94 highway as his route because the road was a good wake up call riding a bike.
Mostly single lanes.
Steady climbing from sea level to 3,000 feet over a 50 mile range of twisting switch backs fronting
the U.S. & Mexico border.
The Harley practically drove itself.. A learned instinct resulting from years and years of familiarity over the same commute.
At 2,500 feet the damp cool cloud cover lay beneath them. Peaks of higher hills crowned with enormous broken fragments of igneous rock appeared as islands bathing in an ocean of white sea.
Mountain sage, Live oak, manzanita, and wild mustard weed mingled to perfume the dry warm air.
He took a turn off and the macadam was replaced by a smooth tarmac of decomposed granite leading into the San Diego/Arizona Railroad Museum.
Once a rusting grave yard of discarded locomotive remains.
Now, a moderately flurishing reminder of early industrial Man's heavy transportation achievement.
Nick rode behind the terminal to the stock yard as great silent gods stood meditating memories of their illustrious pasts.
It is here INTENT hangs it's hat..Nick discovered the faded yellow box car five years ago nested under the shady arms of a giant oak.
Big, strong, secure, and cheap. Only two major rules in the lease agreement.
No rehearsals on weekends. The founders of the museum, retired railroad men themselves, supplement
Historical Society grant funding with tourist train ride excursions every Saturday and Sunday..
The other rule: No over nighters..The folks at the train museum didn't want to risk crossing county vagrancy laws.
Rehearsal times started at 10 am.
Nick was early and glad for it..
Because he was founder of the band, or maybe at thirty five, being the oldest member, business dealings fell like rain into his lap. Promotion, marketing, budgets, contracts, client and A&R interfacing.
Toby, Buck, and Mac all bitched about the lack of gigs..The lack of major record deals..The lack of women, cars, beer, gear, and clothes.
They just didn't want the responsibility of doing anything about it.
Crossing the line to management meant setting themselves up to get bitched out.
In Nick's eyes the other members were just kids..Average age of twenty five..
Still absorbed in the pursuit and persona of the American Rock Star.
These thoughts accompanied him as he slid the kick stand and dismounted the Harley.
The regular fans, flocks of ravens and bluejays greeted him as he assended four steps to the wood deck he'd built up flush with the boxcar's big steel entry door.
He keyed the oversize lock and pulled away the locking bar that ran the entire lenght of the
sliding door. Then leaned heavy into the three foot door handle getting the left to right wheel action going.
Nick stood at the open doorway a moment. The scent of the car filled his nostrils..
Years and years of hauling hay had permeated it's very being..
For the first time today he smiled, and with the smile followed a chuckle..
"Home."
SALVATION chapter 1
Salvation
Chapter 1
San Diego, California
The revolver was a mock. A stage prop Nick had used from time to time as the occasion called..
A souvenir from his community theater acting days..
Times long passed, and what often seemed like another lifetime.
"I wish I had a girl " he thought slipping a single .44 MAG shell into the empty Smith & Wesson.
The idea was in reality a no win situation, and dismissed simultaneously as it rose in his mind...
The way things had gone over the last year, there was no point making another human being his clone of misery.
It just wouldn't be fair..
Nicolaus Flannery was no saint, but he did try to play fair.
Like liquid motion he spun the revolver chamber, slammed it shut, stuck the barrel in his right ear, and pulled the trigger.
Click...
"Fuck!"...He dropped the Smith & Wesson to the lumpy mattress..It bounced hard and thumped..The barrel lay goggled facing him,.. accusing. "Your still here asshole".
His eyes stung from stale cigarette smoke and lack of sleep..
He covered them with his palms like lids over boiling pots of water..
"Fuck, fuck, fuck"..
Pulling his hands away he swiped the wet on yesterdays jeans.
The place was small, cluttered, the way one bedrooms can get in a hurry.
Badly in need of paint. Once off white walls now streaked yellow with dirt and nicotine stain.
"A man needs a maid"..The old Neil Young song popped in his mind.
He'd been here all most two years when the realization hit him... There was not a single picture hanging in the place.
In a fit of inspiration he'd dug out some old lp's and tacked the jackets up on the walls..
Beatles 'Magical Mystery Tour', Led Zepplin's first, David Bowe, Jimi Hendricks, The Pretenders, Jethro Tull, to name a few..Innovators, inspiration generators..
Dragging to the bathroom he braved a look in the smudged medicine cabinet mirror.
Deep blue eyes stared back..A yellow mop of styled long hair and three days of stubble.
He twisted the 'hot' and waited until it smoked, splashing the near scalding stuff through his hair and face.
Better.
"Coffee..Need coffee"..He stuck out his tongue..White..."Fuck it"...He brushed his teeth.
The day matched his mood..Cold, windy, with a low smothering sky..
Cinching up the neck protector on the worn black leather jacket he viewed the waiting Harley and saw himself..
He turned away from a stirring memory..Those good days when he and the bike were first together..
Ashlee, Nick and the Harley..
Road trips to nowhere in particular..She clung to him and he to the bike..
"Bull shit"..
He pushed back hard and the memory disappeared. Like driving an easy eight ball through the center of a corner pocket.
The Harley sprung to life. Cold seat, tired motor, once bright chrome now dirty, dingy...
Thinking about it made him tired, allowing the relentless memory to seep again.
The local 7 Eleven was quiet enough at 7am..
Nick pulled in,shut off the bike, pushing pass the resident
homeless begging spare change..
The warm interior of the store was a comfort, but the loud persistent tone that signals entry echoed in his head like a crashing surf. He grabbed the big 24oz. size and forgot the stupid heat shield sleeve like always.
The bright red vests of the employees always hurt his eyes..Like safety gear..They must all ride bicycles to work..
He stood in line and got cut twice by self immersed customers beating the clock to their daily desk jobs.
In a way it didn't bother him..Yeah Nick Flannery had regrets..Yeah Nick Flannery had debts..Yeah, lately every day seemed like a life lead through the dark cave of an unhappy mind..
He managed a sip of the java. It's warmth and flavor overwhelmed him..
This stuff right here," he took another sip. "This stuff is worth getting up for."..
He paid the cashier in quarters..It's all he had..
Times were lean and the gig his band was currently doing didn't pay out till the end of the weekend..
He nodded to the standard "have a nice day" drone and turned toward the exit stopping dead in his track..
A tall slick suit was pulling the door open for his companion..He was way too happy for this time of day, and she was all smiles..All smiles and all Ashlee.
The couple didn't notice Nick. They didn't notice anyone..They were,...involved.
After a moment Nick felt himself breath in and breath out..
She could have been Ashlee...She should have been Ashlee..But Ashlee was dead..
He pushed through the exit door barely aware the imprint of redness the hot coffee cup was leaving on his palms.
Almost made it back to the Harley before his brain caught up and registered 'hot'..
His hands reacted though, dropping the steaming liquid right in the center of the parking lot..
A miniature mushroom cloud bellowed up in the cold air..like a smoke signal.."Here I am..Get your fucking video..Dumb shit of the day."
Los Angeles, California
Herman Gilespie barely remembered last night or the 'bitch' who still lay face down spread eagle over his king water bed..
It was some good coke though, and the sing song thread of her moaning "fuck it baby, fuck it" over and over like a broken record brought a sardonic smile to his stringy lips..
"Surreal" he muttered then gagged on the too familiar hot collusion of dried blood caked against the back of his throat..
He high tailed for the toilet tripping his way over empty beer cans and mostly empty bottles of cheap wine littering the floor.
Spitting out chunks of black that eventually turned to liquid runny red mucus and blood.
He couldn't help being distracted by a discarded cigarette butt comically wedged between his toes.
"Surreal" he grinned, and vomited again.
"Hey?"...Herman's serenade woke the girl up.."Hey?".."You alright in there buddy?"..She sat up, lit a smoke..
"Dizzy", Herman choked out..The woman rolled her eyes and flipped on the tube. "I got to split man"..
Even with his head three quarters in the toilet bowl he could hear her pulling on clothes and something else..
Rummaging..
"Stay out of my wallet, bitch!"..
"What the fuck?..I am getting my own shit, ok?"
"Stay the fuck away from my wallet!" His head pounded, swooned, and the white porcelain faded to gray.
"Fuck you asshole!"
Herman rolled off the toilet and lay face up on the bathroom floor..The cool tile saturated and numbed him..
She appeared. Hovering...Shimmering in his perception.."Your in a mood" she said paying as much attention to her reflection in the mirror as to him. "That's the thing about guys, in bands."
He stared at her..She'd been here before..He just couldn't remember her name.."Enlighten me."
She pulled long blond hair back and slipped it into a pony tail.. "You guys"...She turned on the facet and scrubbed her teeth with an index finger.."Your always so much more attractive, up there."
She wiggled washing her teeth and Herman realized he was getting horny..He reached and stroked her ankle..
"Up there?"
Her sharp features turned ugly and she pulled away.."Yeah, up there..On stage."
Herman grinned..The bitch had a point..We were all better 'up there'. Everything else was just about waiting to get back 'up there'...
"I am out of here" she snapped.
He got to his feet and staggered to the bathroom doorway watching her go.."You'll be back"..
She hung on the front door nob.."Oh yeah?..Why is that?"
Herman's face narrowed and his eyes blazed an insiders wisdom.."You heard of Daniel Webster and the devil?"
Her golden mane shook side to side.."No I ain't heard of no Daniel what the fuck!..The hell you talkin' about?"
"You'll find out"..His eyes glazed over, and for a moment the wisdom was replaced with fear.."It's a done deal sweet meat..All that's left is the signing."
She stood there a moment, his words sinking in..
"Your fucked up Herm"...She said it with more honesty than she had known herself to possess. "You've always been fucked up..So what the fuck are you getting yourself into now?"
Chapter 1
San Diego, California
The revolver was a mock. A stage prop Nick had used from time to time as the occasion called..
A souvenir from his community theater acting days..
Times long passed, and what often seemed like another lifetime.
"I wish I had a girl " he thought slipping a single .44 MAG shell into the empty Smith & Wesson.
The idea was in reality a no win situation, and dismissed simultaneously as it rose in his mind...
The way things had gone over the last year, there was no point making another human being his clone of misery.
It just wouldn't be fair..
Nicolaus Flannery was no saint, but he did try to play fair.
Like liquid motion he spun the revolver chamber, slammed it shut, stuck the barrel in his right ear, and pulled the trigger.
Click...
"Fuck!"...He dropped the Smith & Wesson to the lumpy mattress..It bounced hard and thumped..The barrel lay goggled facing him,.. accusing. "Your still here asshole".
His eyes stung from stale cigarette smoke and lack of sleep..
He covered them with his palms like lids over boiling pots of water..
"Fuck, fuck, fuck"..
Pulling his hands away he swiped the wet on yesterdays jeans.
The place was small, cluttered, the way one bedrooms can get in a hurry.
Badly in need of paint. Once off white walls now streaked yellow with dirt and nicotine stain.
"A man needs a maid"..The old Neil Young song popped in his mind.
He'd been here all most two years when the realization hit him... There was not a single picture hanging in the place.
In a fit of inspiration he'd dug out some old lp's and tacked the jackets up on the walls..
Beatles 'Magical Mystery Tour', Led Zepplin's first, David Bowe, Jimi Hendricks, The Pretenders, Jethro Tull, to name a few..Innovators, inspiration generators..
Dragging to the bathroom he braved a look in the smudged medicine cabinet mirror.
Deep blue eyes stared back..A yellow mop of styled long hair and three days of stubble.
He twisted the 'hot' and waited until it smoked, splashing the near scalding stuff through his hair and face.
Better.
"Coffee..Need coffee"..He stuck out his tongue..White..."Fuck it"...He brushed his teeth.
The day matched his mood..Cold, windy, with a low smothering sky..
Cinching up the neck protector on the worn black leather jacket he viewed the waiting Harley and saw himself..
He turned away from a stirring memory..Those good days when he and the bike were first together..
Ashlee, Nick and the Harley..
Road trips to nowhere in particular..She clung to him and he to the bike..
"Bull shit"..
He pushed back hard and the memory disappeared. Like driving an easy eight ball through the center of a corner pocket.
The Harley sprung to life. Cold seat, tired motor, once bright chrome now dirty, dingy...
Thinking about it made him tired, allowing the relentless memory to seep again.
The local 7 Eleven was quiet enough at 7am..
Nick pulled in,shut off the bike, pushing pass the resident
homeless begging spare change..
The warm interior of the store was a comfort, but the loud persistent tone that signals entry echoed in his head like a crashing surf. He grabbed the big 24oz. size and forgot the stupid heat shield sleeve like always.
The bright red vests of the employees always hurt his eyes..Like safety gear..They must all ride bicycles to work..
He stood in line and got cut twice by self immersed customers beating the clock to their daily desk jobs.
In a way it didn't bother him..Yeah Nick Flannery had regrets..Yeah Nick Flannery had debts..Yeah, lately every day seemed like a life lead through the dark cave of an unhappy mind..
He managed a sip of the java. It's warmth and flavor overwhelmed him..
This stuff right here," he took another sip. "This stuff is worth getting up for."..
He paid the cashier in quarters..It's all he had..
Times were lean and the gig his band was currently doing didn't pay out till the end of the weekend..
He nodded to the standard "have a nice day" drone and turned toward the exit stopping dead in his track..
A tall slick suit was pulling the door open for his companion..He was way too happy for this time of day, and she was all smiles..All smiles and all Ashlee.
The couple didn't notice Nick. They didn't notice anyone..They were,...involved.
After a moment Nick felt himself breath in and breath out..
She could have been Ashlee...She should have been Ashlee..But Ashlee was dead..
He pushed through the exit door barely aware the imprint of redness the hot coffee cup was leaving on his palms.
Almost made it back to the Harley before his brain caught up and registered 'hot'..
His hands reacted though, dropping the steaming liquid right in the center of the parking lot..
A miniature mushroom cloud bellowed up in the cold air..like a smoke signal.."Here I am..Get your fucking video..Dumb shit of the day."
Los Angeles, California
Herman Gilespie barely remembered last night or the 'bitch' who still lay face down spread eagle over his king water bed..
It was some good coke though, and the sing song thread of her moaning "fuck it baby, fuck it" over and over like a broken record brought a sardonic smile to his stringy lips..
"Surreal" he muttered then gagged on the too familiar hot collusion of dried blood caked against the back of his throat..
He high tailed for the toilet tripping his way over empty beer cans and mostly empty bottles of cheap wine littering the floor.
Spitting out chunks of black that eventually turned to liquid runny red mucus and blood.
He couldn't help being distracted by a discarded cigarette butt comically wedged between his toes.
"Surreal" he grinned, and vomited again.
"Hey?"...Herman's serenade woke the girl up.."Hey?".."You alright in there buddy?"..She sat up, lit a smoke..
"Dizzy", Herman choked out..The woman rolled her eyes and flipped on the tube. "I got to split man"..
Even with his head three quarters in the toilet bowl he could hear her pulling on clothes and something else..
Rummaging..
"Stay out of my wallet, bitch!"..
"What the fuck?..I am getting my own shit, ok?"
"Stay the fuck away from my wallet!" His head pounded, swooned, and the white porcelain faded to gray.
"Fuck you asshole!"
Herman rolled off the toilet and lay face up on the bathroom floor..The cool tile saturated and numbed him..
She appeared. Hovering...Shimmering in his perception.."Your in a mood" she said paying as much attention to her reflection in the mirror as to him. "That's the thing about guys, in bands."
He stared at her..She'd been here before..He just couldn't remember her name.."Enlighten me."
She pulled long blond hair back and slipped it into a pony tail.. "You guys"...She turned on the facet and scrubbed her teeth with an index finger.."Your always so much more attractive, up there."
She wiggled washing her teeth and Herman realized he was getting horny..He reached and stroked her ankle..
"Up there?"
Her sharp features turned ugly and she pulled away.."Yeah, up there..On stage."
Herman grinned..The bitch had a point..We were all better 'up there'. Everything else was just about waiting to get back 'up there'...
"I am out of here" she snapped.
He got to his feet and staggered to the bathroom doorway watching her go.."You'll be back"..
She hung on the front door nob.."Oh yeah?..Why is that?"
Herman's face narrowed and his eyes blazed an insiders wisdom.."You heard of Daniel Webster and the devil?"
Her golden mane shook side to side.."No I ain't heard of no Daniel what the fuck!..The hell you talkin' about?"
"You'll find out"..His eyes glazed over, and for a moment the wisdom was replaced with fear.."It's a done deal sweet meat..All that's left is the signing."
She stood there a moment, his words sinking in..
"Your fucked up Herm"...She said it with more honesty than she had known herself to possess. "You've always been fucked up..So what the fuck are you getting yourself into now?"
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
The 7 Levels of Awareness
I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before,
Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has
been a mean sleep.
Walt Whitman
First a bit about the universe..
Our realm, the physical universe..The 'stage front' our lives are played out on..
Subject to the laws of physics, including space, time, and causation are real...
They are not an illusion of our limited perception. They do exist.
What eastern philosophy is trying to hammer home is that,
the physical universe is only a part of the universe as a whole..
The rest of the universe, for lack of a better illustration, is the
'back stage' portion of the universe..
This 'back stage' portion of the universe is where the physical universe was conceptualized..
The 'back stage' part of the universe is the womb of the physical universe.
Where as the physical universe is made tangible by the creation of atoms..
The 'back stage' portion of the universe is and has always existed infinitely, as non matter..
Some people confuse non matter with nothingness...
Non matter is simply that which exists not formed of matter.
Example: Every time you 'think' you are tapping a part of the universe that is non matter.
The fact that you have the ability to 'think' is proof that the 'back stage' portion of the universe is also real, and not
just the rambling of an insane rational.
The process by which human beings perceive the physical universe, and the 'back stage' portion of the universe is through awareness or conscience ness...
One device by which human beings judge the validity of their perception of the universe is through the use of rational thought.
Rational thought is a tool of the human intellect.
Most commonly used during a state of conscience termed 'waking conscience'.
Eastern philosophy advises that at whatever level of conscience or awareness a human being is perceiving the physical and 'backstage' portions of the universe, that level will dictate the perception the human receives.
Although the tool of human intellect has given mankind the ability to survive and flourish in the 'stage front' portion of the universe, eastern philosophy warns mankind that the very tool of our intellect is also working against us as spiritual beings.
Clouding our ability to recognize the reality of the 'backstage' portion of the universe and it's overall greater meaning in our lives.
It is after all, where the physical universe came from.
Eastern philosophy offers mankind (at no charge) the tools to out wit the constraints of the intellect.
That mankind may better understand, the true nature of the universe as a whole, and of human beings unity with the universe as a whole..
Eastern philosophy maintains that human beings are in truth, spiritual beings that transcend the physical universe..
Eastern philosophy maintains that the spiritual nature of human beings is one with the 'backstage' portion of the universe..
Eastern philosophy maintains that the essence that is the whole universe is the same identical essence human beings are constructed of..
By it's very nature of wholeness, within every human being, exists the universe as a whole.
I am using human kind as an example..Eastern philosophy extends this same concept to all that is in existance.
In an effort to understand the importance of the levels of conscience as they apply to the perception of the individual and that individual's building of a life value system:
The seven levels of awareness
Deep sleep: The first level of awareness..
During deep sleep the intellect is disengaged.
The self is still present..Silent..In a state of surveillance...
This is experienced when for example someone says to a woman who is in deep sleep.
"Your child needs you"..
The immediate response of the Mother waking to full waking conscience is an example that the 'self' is still present during the state of deep sleep.
Dream state: The second state of awareness..
The intellect is more active however not fully active as indicated by the often less than rational story lines our dream experiences consist of..
The experiences while dreaming however, seem as 'real' while dreaming, as our experiences in waking conscience..
The insight that the experience is a dream is not realized until the individual awakes from the dream to waking conscience..
Example: "Wow that was a very vivid dream I just had."
Again, the insight that I was dreaming is realized in the next level of awareness, not during the dream state it's self.
Waking conscience: Per eastern philosophy including Hinduism and Buddhism:
When you wake up from the dream state, you 'wake up' into another dream.
The third state of conscience 'waking conscience'.
Here the rational mind (intellect) is fully engaged.
While you are participating in this state you don't realize, that this state is equally illusionary,
equally a result of the intellect creating stories and scenery we become totally immersed in..
Like going to a really good movie and getting lost in the movie..
The drama and meanings of life in this state are real and valid..
Wars are won and lost, victories for and against the greater good are played out on this stage..This state of awareness is the main event in the history of human beings..
It is rich in wonder and fabric...It is fine..
Again the point is....This state of reality is not all there is...
Just as is the case with the previous dream state..
You can not gain insight to the 'intellects weavings of reality' as long as you remain in the present state..
Just as in the dream state the insight of the illusionary nature of the state is only realized when one removes them self from the current state and wakes to a higher level of awareness..
It's is here at this level of awareness I promised (per the blog "Compatibility") to share an exercise that one may practice to experience the next level of awareness..
The silent witness: The fourth state of conscience...
The first glimpse of your soul.
In this state our busy mind is lay to rest and what is left is the real you..
It is the presence of your soul...It is silent, it is witnessing..
Practice the exercise as follows to become aware of your fourth state of conscience:
Media works well for this..It can be music, or a movie, or a television..
Best to find a place where the surroundings are quiet.
So that during the part of the exercise when no media is playing, there are no ambient distractions kick starting the mind back in to disruption.
So, "Get thee to a nunnery!"....Just kiddin'.
Ok, your listening to some music or whatever.
Try to be just into that..
Try not to allow your mind to be wandering off doing a bunch of other stuff while your listening.
Shut the media off, and ask your self this question:
"Who is listening?"
Close your eyes and listen to who is listening..
Don't turn the media back on..Don't let your 'head' answer..Let your mind be at rest..
Just simply ask the question, close your eyes and listen to who is listening.
Try it a couple of times...Shut the media off and ask, "who is listening?"...
Close your eyes and listen to who is listening..
Did you sense the presence there?...The silent witness?...That is you..That is your soul.
It is not a presence that is perceived by the mind..It is a presence all it's own..It is before the mind, transcending the mind...It is the first glimpse of true reality.
Fifth state of awareness: Cosmic Conscience..
Consistent awareness of the soul..In this state of conscience transcends the previous levels of conscience.
So whether in deep sleep, dream, or waking, the awareness of the soul is present.
Sixth state of awareness: Constant awareness of the oneness of all things in existence.
To the point of perception through the five senses..
In this state through meditation, the observer perceives for example,
a bird..
Sees the bird, sees the bird's soul.
Sees the totality of the universe existing within the bird..
Sees the universe through the bird.
Seventh state of awareness: The observer sees not only as in the sixth state of awareness, but also see's their self in the subject being observed.
The realization is in the observer recognizing that he/she is not only the observer but also the subject being observed..
It is the ultimate experience of the oneness that is the entire universe..
This level of conscience is also commonly termed the state of "enlightenment."
I am that...You are that...All of this is that...That is all there is.
A note about the use drugs to attain spiritual growth.
It is true that for many spiritual traditions the use of certain drugs are
successful for a dramatic shift in the student's state of conscience..
Producing an immediate alter in the conscience.
It is produced by a shift of conscience at the assimilation point..
That is, the point where the conscience assembles the universe and projects
it through the process of perception via the brain and nervous system.
The problem with the use of drug induced alternate states of conscience is there
is a lot of disintegration that comes with that process...
It is a fine line between sages, psychotics, and genius...
I don't recommend it..The use of drugs is not required.
There is no special equipment needed to attain higher levels of conscience.
It is not necessary to remove one self from daily normal life activities to attain higher levels of awareness.
It is not even something that one needs to attain.
you all ready have it..It is already part of you...It is your birth right..
The trick, is in the realization, understanding, and integration of what you have available to you in your life..
That part takes willingness, proper direction, practice, and patience.
Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has
been a mean sleep.
Walt Whitman
First a bit about the universe..
Our realm, the physical universe..The 'stage front' our lives are played out on..
Subject to the laws of physics, including space, time, and causation are real...
They are not an illusion of our limited perception. They do exist.
What eastern philosophy is trying to hammer home is that,
the physical universe is only a part of the universe as a whole..
The rest of the universe, for lack of a better illustration, is the
'back stage' portion of the universe..
This 'back stage' portion of the universe is where the physical universe was conceptualized..
The 'back stage' part of the universe is the womb of the physical universe.
Where as the physical universe is made tangible by the creation of atoms..
The 'back stage' portion of the universe is and has always existed infinitely, as non matter..
Some people confuse non matter with nothingness...
Non matter is simply that which exists not formed of matter.
Example: Every time you 'think' you are tapping a part of the universe that is non matter.
The fact that you have the ability to 'think' is proof that the 'back stage' portion of the universe is also real, and not
just the rambling of an insane rational.
The process by which human beings perceive the physical universe, and the 'back stage' portion of the universe is through awareness or conscience ness...
One device by which human beings judge the validity of their perception of the universe is through the use of rational thought.
Rational thought is a tool of the human intellect.
Most commonly used during a state of conscience termed 'waking conscience'.
Eastern philosophy advises that at whatever level of conscience or awareness a human being is perceiving the physical and 'backstage' portions of the universe, that level will dictate the perception the human receives.
Although the tool of human intellect has given mankind the ability to survive and flourish in the 'stage front' portion of the universe, eastern philosophy warns mankind that the very tool of our intellect is also working against us as spiritual beings.
Clouding our ability to recognize the reality of the 'backstage' portion of the universe and it's overall greater meaning in our lives.
It is after all, where the physical universe came from.
Eastern philosophy offers mankind (at no charge) the tools to out wit the constraints of the intellect.
That mankind may better understand, the true nature of the universe as a whole, and of human beings unity with the universe as a whole..
Eastern philosophy maintains that human beings are in truth, spiritual beings that transcend the physical universe..
Eastern philosophy maintains that the spiritual nature of human beings is one with the 'backstage' portion of the universe..
Eastern philosophy maintains that the essence that is the whole universe is the same identical essence human beings are constructed of..
By it's very nature of wholeness, within every human being, exists the universe as a whole.
I am using human kind as an example..Eastern philosophy extends this same concept to all that is in existance.
In an effort to understand the importance of the levels of conscience as they apply to the perception of the individual and that individual's building of a life value system:
The seven levels of awareness
Deep sleep: The first level of awareness..
During deep sleep the intellect is disengaged.
The self is still present..Silent..In a state of surveillance...
This is experienced when for example someone says to a woman who is in deep sleep.
"Your child needs you"..
The immediate response of the Mother waking to full waking conscience is an example that the 'self' is still present during the state of deep sleep.
Dream state: The second state of awareness..
The intellect is more active however not fully active as indicated by the often less than rational story lines our dream experiences consist of..
The experiences while dreaming however, seem as 'real' while dreaming, as our experiences in waking conscience..
The insight that the experience is a dream is not realized until the individual awakes from the dream to waking conscience..
Example: "Wow that was a very vivid dream I just had."
Again, the insight that I was dreaming is realized in the next level of awareness, not during the dream state it's self.
Waking conscience: Per eastern philosophy including Hinduism and Buddhism:
When you wake up from the dream state, you 'wake up' into another dream.
The third state of conscience 'waking conscience'.
Here the rational mind (intellect) is fully engaged.
While you are participating in this state you don't realize, that this state is equally illusionary,
equally a result of the intellect creating stories and scenery we become totally immersed in..
Like going to a really good movie and getting lost in the movie..
The drama and meanings of life in this state are real and valid..
Wars are won and lost, victories for and against the greater good are played out on this stage..This state of awareness is the main event in the history of human beings..
It is rich in wonder and fabric...It is fine..
Again the point is....This state of reality is not all there is...
Just as is the case with the previous dream state..
You can not gain insight to the 'intellects weavings of reality' as long as you remain in the present state..
Just as in the dream state the insight of the illusionary nature of the state is only realized when one removes them self from the current state and wakes to a higher level of awareness..
It's is here at this level of awareness I promised (per the blog "Compatibility") to share an exercise that one may practice to experience the next level of awareness..
The silent witness: The fourth state of conscience...
The first glimpse of your soul.
In this state our busy mind is lay to rest and what is left is the real you..
It is the presence of your soul...It is silent, it is witnessing..
Practice the exercise as follows to become aware of your fourth state of conscience:
Media works well for this..It can be music, or a movie, or a television..
Best to find a place where the surroundings are quiet.
So that during the part of the exercise when no media is playing, there are no ambient distractions kick starting the mind back in to disruption.
So, "Get thee to a nunnery!"....Just kiddin'.
Ok, your listening to some music or whatever.
Try to be just into that..
Try not to allow your mind to be wandering off doing a bunch of other stuff while your listening.
Shut the media off, and ask your self this question:
"Who is listening?"
Close your eyes and listen to who is listening..
Don't turn the media back on..Don't let your 'head' answer..Let your mind be at rest..
Just simply ask the question, close your eyes and listen to who is listening.
Try it a couple of times...Shut the media off and ask, "who is listening?"...
Close your eyes and listen to who is listening..
Did you sense the presence there?...The silent witness?...That is you..That is your soul.
It is not a presence that is perceived by the mind..It is a presence all it's own..It is before the mind, transcending the mind...It is the first glimpse of true reality.
Fifth state of awareness: Cosmic Conscience..
Consistent awareness of the soul..In this state of conscience transcends the previous levels of conscience.
So whether in deep sleep, dream, or waking, the awareness of the soul is present.
Sixth state of awareness: Constant awareness of the oneness of all things in existence.
To the point of perception through the five senses..
In this state through meditation, the observer perceives for example,
a bird..
Sees the bird, sees the bird's soul.
Sees the totality of the universe existing within the bird..
Sees the universe through the bird.
Seventh state of awareness: The observer sees not only as in the sixth state of awareness, but also see's their self in the subject being observed.
The realization is in the observer recognizing that he/she is not only the observer but also the subject being observed..
It is the ultimate experience of the oneness that is the entire universe..
This level of conscience is also commonly termed the state of "enlightenment."
I am that...You are that...All of this is that...That is all there is.
A note about the use drugs to attain spiritual growth.
It is true that for many spiritual traditions the use of certain drugs are
successful for a dramatic shift in the student's state of conscience..
Producing an immediate alter in the conscience.
It is produced by a shift of conscience at the assimilation point..
That is, the point where the conscience assembles the universe and projects
it through the process of perception via the brain and nervous system.
The problem with the use of drug induced alternate states of conscience is there
is a lot of disintegration that comes with that process...
It is a fine line between sages, psychotics, and genius...
I don't recommend it..The use of drugs is not required.
There is no special equipment needed to attain higher levels of conscience.
It is not necessary to remove one self from daily normal life activities to attain higher levels of awareness.
It is not even something that one needs to attain.
you all ready have it..It is already part of you...It is your birth right..
The trick, is in the realization, understanding, and integration of what you have available to you in your life..
That part takes willingness, proper direction, practice, and patience.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Compatibility
If social popularity is truly reflected through the media.
If capitalism holds it's weight as a measure of the needs and desires of the populous.
You might agree that there are more than a few people out there looking for
their soul mate...
Mate, significant other, or better half, as loosely defined within the concept:
An avenue of individual enrichment attainable through the connection of oneness experienced through such a relationship..
Personally,.... heart ache, heart attack, trophy, compromise, triumph, sugar daddy, sugar mama, and lip of insanity are descriptions that also come to mind.
However, I won't be addressing those at this time..
I am not feeling particularly cynical today, and besides, I really did want this blog to indicate something of a thought containing at least semblance of social value..
As it is fitting that the title of any piece of writing be included in the actual body of the material, I suppose this as good time as any to mention it..
Compatibility
It's even a long enough word to tie it's self at both ends somewhere below the tight wire of human relationships to truly be conceived as a safety net.
"You are like me...I am like you....We gonna' get along fine."
The problem is,...people want 'time' to stop..
Just at the moment they decide to pick their apple of compatibility..
They think, "I am picking my apple at the perfect ripeness of compatibility, and it's going to somehow stay preserved just like this for my future enjoyment."
It's a dilemma.. How can we honestly expect to merge into our future, with all it's inherent changes that most certainly will take place, while expecting ourselves and our apple to remain preserved, unchanged, from that time in the passed?
Or we think,..."even due certain unavoidable changes in myself and the self of my apple, I checked this out real good, and picked my apple at just the perfect ripeness.
In spite of life's little twists and turns there is enough compatibility in the perfect ripeness of my apple to cover those unavoidable changes"...
Honestly... I think there is too much emphasis placed on the shoulders of compatibility.
I think there is too little significance placed on the value of oneness that drove you to start looking for an apple in the first place.
Everybody is already compatible...
What?...What did he just say?
Everybody is already compatible.
Ok, I admit it's time to draw a line in the sand...
Those of you who believe this is not your first time around in life...Keep on reading..
Those of you who believe this is it and your either going home to your God Head, or your going to be existing in a place separated from your God Head...
....Humm...It's your call.
So,... the universe is like a blender..
You end a lifetime and your essence is mixed back into the blender only to be spit back out here again..
Fun and games...
I am leaving the spiritual evolutionary process out of the loop cuz the fact remains.
We are still here...We haven't made it to 'over there', cuz we're still here right?
However I digress..
Mean while back at the blender...
Time after time our essence is being mixed up with all the other essences...
After a few eons of living lifetime after lifetime we are so mixed up, we are the essences we're being mixed back into..
The reality of compatibility isn't, "You are like me", "I am like you"....
The reality is, "You are me", "I am you"...
The reason oneness gravitates to harmony in human relationships is
simply because oneness is the reality of all things that get processed
through the blender..
We are all not only a part of the oneness...
We are the oneness.
Relationships fail because we are stuck in the tangled hierarchy of the dream
state known as waking conscience...
In this state of awareness we fully and absolutely believe in the concept of the separation of self.
Ooops...There goes the oneness..
It is this very state of awareness that human beings spend the better part of their busy lives building self...
Self worth, self esteem, self determination, self, self ,self..
With every illusionary act of building the concept of individual self, comes the ever widening gap of separation from the true harmonic value of oneness...
It is the separation from oneness that leads to the creation and cultivation of alienation..
It is in fact, the root cause of all human suffering in the world today.
What?...What?...What is the cause of all human suffering in the world today?
The root cause of all human suffering in the world today is Man's misunderstanding of his true nature in the universe..
The good news is Human kind has the ability to 'know' it's true nature in the universe..
Despite what fundamentalist western religious doctrine claims.
Human's have the capacity to understand their true nature in the universe because...........
Because, like everything else that exist....We are the universe...We are not only put through the blender...
We are the blender...
We are not only trying to get to that 'other place'...
We are that other place.
The oneness concept of the universe is contained in the word 'that'....
I am that...You are that....All this is that....That is all there is..
Next time I write about this subject I will share an exercise with you..
It is a piece of that capacity to 'know'..
It will allow you to experience for yourself a state of awareness one level above the 'waking state' of conscience...
It is this state of awareness Walt Whitman refers to in his quote:
I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before,
Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has
been a mean sleep.
If capitalism holds it's weight as a measure of the needs and desires of the populous.
You might agree that there are more than a few people out there looking for
their soul mate...
Mate, significant other, or better half, as loosely defined within the concept:
An avenue of individual enrichment attainable through the connection of oneness experienced through such a relationship..
Personally,.... heart ache, heart attack, trophy, compromise, triumph, sugar daddy, sugar mama, and lip of insanity are descriptions that also come to mind.
However, I won't be addressing those at this time..
I am not feeling particularly cynical today, and besides, I really did want this blog to indicate something of a thought containing at least semblance of social value..
As it is fitting that the title of any piece of writing be included in the actual body of the material, I suppose this as good time as any to mention it..
Compatibility
It's even a long enough word to tie it's self at both ends somewhere below the tight wire of human relationships to truly be conceived as a safety net.
"You are like me...I am like you....We gonna' get along fine."
The problem is,...people want 'time' to stop..
Just at the moment they decide to pick their apple of compatibility..
They think, "I am picking my apple at the perfect ripeness of compatibility, and it's going to somehow stay preserved just like this for my future enjoyment."
It's a dilemma.. How can we honestly expect to merge into our future, with all it's inherent changes that most certainly will take place, while expecting ourselves and our apple to remain preserved, unchanged, from that time in the passed?
Or we think,..."even due certain unavoidable changes in myself and the self of my apple, I checked this out real good, and picked my apple at just the perfect ripeness.
In spite of life's little twists and turns there is enough compatibility in the perfect ripeness of my apple to cover those unavoidable changes"...
Honestly... I think there is too much emphasis placed on the shoulders of compatibility.
I think there is too little significance placed on the value of oneness that drove you to start looking for an apple in the first place.
Everybody is already compatible...
What?...What did he just say?
Everybody is already compatible.
Ok, I admit it's time to draw a line in the sand...
Those of you who believe this is not your first time around in life...Keep on reading..
Those of you who believe this is it and your either going home to your God Head, or your going to be existing in a place separated from your God Head...
....Humm...It's your call.
So,... the universe is like a blender..
You end a lifetime and your essence is mixed back into the blender only to be spit back out here again..
Fun and games...
I am leaving the spiritual evolutionary process out of the loop cuz the fact remains.
We are still here...We haven't made it to 'over there', cuz we're still here right?
However I digress..
Mean while back at the blender...
Time after time our essence is being mixed up with all the other essences...
After a few eons of living lifetime after lifetime we are so mixed up, we are the essences we're being mixed back into..
The reality of compatibility isn't, "You are like me", "I am like you"....
The reality is, "You are me", "I am you"...
The reason oneness gravitates to harmony in human relationships is
simply because oneness is the reality of all things that get processed
through the blender..
We are all not only a part of the oneness...
We are the oneness.
Relationships fail because we are stuck in the tangled hierarchy of the dream
state known as waking conscience...
In this state of awareness we fully and absolutely believe in the concept of the separation of self.
Ooops...There goes the oneness..
It is this very state of awareness that human beings spend the better part of their busy lives building self...
Self worth, self esteem, self determination, self, self ,self..
With every illusionary act of building the concept of individual self, comes the ever widening gap of separation from the true harmonic value of oneness...
It is the separation from oneness that leads to the creation and cultivation of alienation..
It is in fact, the root cause of all human suffering in the world today.
What?...What?...What is the cause of all human suffering in the world today?
The root cause of all human suffering in the world today is Man's misunderstanding of his true nature in the universe..
The good news is Human kind has the ability to 'know' it's true nature in the universe..
Despite what fundamentalist western religious doctrine claims.
Human's have the capacity to understand their true nature in the universe because...........
Because, like everything else that exist....We are the universe...We are not only put through the blender...
We are the blender...
We are not only trying to get to that 'other place'...
We are that other place.
The oneness concept of the universe is contained in the word 'that'....
I am that...You are that....All this is that....That is all there is..
Next time I write about this subject I will share an exercise with you..
It is a piece of that capacity to 'know'..
It will allow you to experience for yourself a state of awareness one level above the 'waking state' of conscience...
It is this state of awareness Walt Whitman refers to in his quote:
I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before,
Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has
been a mean sleep.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
"Hey It's Halloween!"
Early in the evening, straight through the black of night
Slow churned hours of Halloween, gripped my soul in fright
Nibbling on white knuckles, rolled up into a fist
Waiting for the risen ones, appearing in the mist
Dragging their dead feet across the dew drops on my lawn
I know I'll find no peace of mind until November's morn
Tapping on my windows, beating thunder on my door
Searching in the moon glow entrance at the basement floor
"Hey it's Halloween! Why don't you come on out and play?
Join the celebration for those of us who passed away
Three hundred sixty five full days of hunger and of thirst
You know, you should feel special, your the one we thought of first"
Searing pain, splintered wood thrust dead hands through my door
Quick thawed frozen fear poured down my pant leg to the floor
Six inch broken blackened nails sunk deep into my flesh
As they quarrel dividing portions I backed up to save the rest
Crutching to the banister I make the second landing fall
Their pouring through the windows I realize futility in it all
So I crouch most patiently a corner of a room
Nothing but a bedroom door between me and lusting doom
"Before you show us your disgust, then turn your head away
Remember in a little while you'd be joining us some day
We think you owe some homage to the ones that came before
So, simply pay your due respect and twist the handle on the door"
"Hey it's Halloween! Why don't you come on out and play?
Join the celebration for those of us who passed away
Three hundred sixty five full days of hunger and of thirst
You know, you should feel special, your the one we thought of first"
Slow churned hours of Halloween, gripped my soul in fright
Nibbling on white knuckles, rolled up into a fist
Waiting for the risen ones, appearing in the mist
Dragging their dead feet across the dew drops on my lawn
I know I'll find no peace of mind until November's morn
Tapping on my windows, beating thunder on my door
Searching in the moon glow entrance at the basement floor
"Hey it's Halloween! Why don't you come on out and play?
Join the celebration for those of us who passed away
Three hundred sixty five full days of hunger and of thirst
You know, you should feel special, your the one we thought of first"
Searing pain, splintered wood thrust dead hands through my door
Quick thawed frozen fear poured down my pant leg to the floor
Six inch broken blackened nails sunk deep into my flesh
As they quarrel dividing portions I backed up to save the rest
Crutching to the banister I make the second landing fall
Their pouring through the windows I realize futility in it all
So I crouch most patiently a corner of a room
Nothing but a bedroom door between me and lusting doom
"Before you show us your disgust, then turn your head away
Remember in a little while you'd be joining us some day
We think you owe some homage to the ones that came before
So, simply pay your due respect and twist the handle on the door"
"Hey it's Halloween! Why don't you come on out and play?
Join the celebration for those of us who passed away
Three hundred sixty five full days of hunger and of thirst
You know, you should feel special, your the one we thought of first"
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